I am naming this article, “Relationship Advice For Women.” I hope the content is geared more for the women but it also applies to the men. I find that women generally have a more real concern about relationships than men. I do not claim to be an authority on the subject of relationships. I do think I have some common sense to share.
How Women Shop
I want to use this analogy of shopping. Women love to shop. Statics prove women shop more than men. What do women shop for? ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. You mention the word “SALE” and women are off and running. Women have their own style of dress, just like the hair styles. Women always want to look good, and feel attractive.
Clothing, jewelry, make up and shoes are essentials to a woman. Women are meticulous when it comes to shopping. They look at the most popular of the day. Name brands, size, color and fit. Is it seasonal or unseasonable. Is the item on sale or being discontinued? And the big one, what is the price. Women want a bargain.
I always hated being dragged along and going shopping. My wife would go to one store and “LOOK”, not buy. Then she would insist on going to three or four other stores and look. After hours of looking, we would go back to the first store and she would buy the very first thing she had looked at. Comparison shopping. That always runs me crazy.
Men shop differently. Men go in a store, find what they need, buy it and leave. Men can hold up clothing next to their body and say, “This will fit.” Men do not have the need to spend hours in a dressing room trying on clothing. I think it may be a rare thing for a man to buy his woman clothing that she will like. They have different tastes.
Shopping For Love and Relationship
I guess by now you are wondering what shopping has to do with Love and Relationships? Just as sure as women and men shop differently, they also shop differently for love and relationships. I am not going to cite all the differences between women and men. Again, in shopping for love and relationship, women are meticulous and detailed in what they want.
If you go on a trip, some airports charge extra if your baggage is over 50 pounds. It is commonly thought, women always pack more than men. When women and men come into a relationship, they both come with baggage or what we call “Excess Baggage.” What is this excess baggage?
It is their life, love, and total life experience. It takes in their wants, needs, desires and previous relationships. All the things that have influenced us to this point in life. Whether good or bad.
Baggage has weight. It will weigh you down. Much of the baggage for women is emotional issues. I think we are all in a journey and accumulate baggage as we go. Too many times the baggage is ugly and painful. It helps when you have someone to help you unpack or get rid of some excess baggage.
There is a lot of truth in the old saying, “Experience is the best teacher.” And more truth in another saying, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Getting rid of old anger, hurt, pain and heartache is not easy. A relationship is a trip, just like a flight. Once you are in the air you can’t get off the plane until it lands. Then you have to claim your baggage. You can get stuck or trapped in a relationship.
The Shopping List For Relationships And Love
Women are value shoppers, they know what they want. When I go to the grocery store, I will make a list so I do not forget anything. I think women have a list also. But this list, is a list of qualities or characteristics they desire in a relationship with love. The list may be in their mind only or it may be written down.
I have made a shopping list of Questions. This will be good for those who are in a relationship, going into a relationship or those who have no relationship. This list does apply to the single and the married alike. This may help answer, what you have or want in your relationship.
1. Does your partner treat strangers or friends better than you?
2. Is there a negative interaction only in your relationship?
3. Does your partners actions match their words? Verbal and non-verbal.
5. Has your partner ever changed anything for you?
6. How serious is your partner in your relationship?
7. Who makes the sacrifices and shares the most in your relationship?
8. Can you see yourself with this partner forever?
9. What do your partners, friends and family think about you?
10. Do you and your partner have the same goals?
11. Is your time with your partner more sad or enjoyable?
12. Have you had more good times than bad times with your partner?
13. Can you be yourself with your partner?
14. What do you think is the one thing that would make your relationship succeed?
15. Name the three most important things you need in a partner?
16. Have you asked yourself this question in your relationship? “Do I deserve to be loved?”
17. Do I really want to become like my partner?
18. Do I really want to be in this relationship?
19. Where are you on your partners priority list or to do list?
20. Knowing everything about your partner right now. If you were looking for a new partner, would you choose this one again?
Here are 3 facts you should learn and never forget. 1. People do what they want to do. 2. People do what is important to them. 3. What you think and believe determines what you will do (actions).
This has not a test. It is a way for you to get an honest evaluation of your relationship and love. I hope this has given you greater insight into what you want and need.
There are relationships that are good and bad. Some are healthy or unhealthy. I think some of the most important elements in a relationship are these. Communication, Trust, Respect, Responsibility and Friendship. Others would be, Team Work, Loyalty, and Compromise. A sense of humor always helps.
A true relationship is not a one way street or one way love. So many people stay in a relationship when the connection is lost. The heart has the ability to shut down for self protection. I heard this quote one time and it stuck with me. I cannot remember who said it. “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eyes.”
One Truth About A Relationship
I want to talk about a common mistake that is made in relationships. It is the unrealistic expectation regarding your own self esteem. This is depending on someone else to validate you or give you value and self worth. Is your performance the basis of your approval and acceptance? Are you accepted for what you do rather than who you are?
Healthy self love comes from within you. It is internal. It means you love yourself first so that you can fully love others. You see your own value. You see that you are worth being loved for who you are. External things will not satisfy or give you the value you deserve. How can you love someone if you do not love yourself? How can you give away what you do not possess? Giving love and being loved are two separate things.
I want to speak to any man reading this. If you think a woman only wants sex in a relationship, you are mistaken. You only offer a quick substitute for what is needed. Women are different, they are more emotional. What a woman wants and needs in her life is “deep emotional intimacy.” The most important thing you will ever give each other is your own personal attention. Nothing else will replace that or satisfy her.
I used the analogy of Shopping. We all shop and it is easy to relate to shopping. I wanted to add some humor to this article. My intention was not to offend any woman. I referred to excess baggage. We all enter a relationship with it. Excess baggage plays an important role in who we are and relationships. Hopefully we all learn from it and make a better relationship.
Any person, female or male should be accepted and loved on the sole basis of who they are. Not their performance, not what they can give or do. A successful relationship with a love that is mutual. It does involve give and take on both parts.
It is impossible to love without giving. A real relationship will involve giving and receiving love equally. This is my relationship advice for women. It also applies to men.
Your thoughts, opinions and comments are welcome. Leave them here. If I can help feel free to ask.