I found this article from a great writer, and I want to publish it here. This is not my work or writing. I love the content and the reality of the article. It tells how many sit, wish, and hope for a fantasy of real love. Not the reality of true love.
The writer of this article is Lisa Thompson, it was published in, The Elite Daily News, where she is a contributor. Lisa Thompson has a Communication/PR degree from Michigan State. She currently works at a Fortune 500 company. Lisa is a runner, a sports fan. She has a passion helping others. Lisa and I definitely share the same passion in helping others.
Ideal Verses Reality How To Tell If You Are Really In Love
We have all been in love with what could be instead of what exists right in front of us. It’s a hard concept for some of us to realize and sometimes, it is even tougher to let go of that concept because it becomes so real in our lives.
In my last relationship, I never realized the type of love my boyfriend and I really had. I thought we had the passion — that connection everyone dreams to have —, but looking back, I realize that false image was holding me onto a love that was not fulfilling my needs. I was in love with what could be instead of what really was.
I loved the idea of what we could be because my boyfriend sometimes revealed small glimpses of an amazing potential relationship, even though about 80 percent of the time, it was not a positive experience. I fell in love with the idea of those glimpses. I imagined that if he just did this or if he just changed that, everything would align and be perfect.
Two years later, I found myself still in love with those ideas, with more and more tears because it never became what could have been.
I told my friends about the simple things he did to show he cared. Since they were rare, when they happened, I wanted to prove that I had a great guy, regardless of what they thought. In reality, those little things should have happened regardless; they should not have been rare.
In a way, I was trying to prove that my friends were wrong about my boyfriend and simultaneously convince myself that I was right about him, too. I was trying to justify staying with a guy I loved, despite the fact that he only showed that he loved me part-time.
If you ever find yourself justifying your man’s actions or not wanting to share the truth about things he has said or done, chances are, you are in love with his could-be’s. If you cling to every good thing he does until he does something else nice or brag-worthy, chances are you are in love with the “could be.”
I think that at least at one point in our lives, we all find a connection with someone who makes us feel something special, so we stay. But we stay for all the wrong reasons and sometimes, it is only because of what could have been.
When we love someone, it is so easy for us to ignore what is missing and hold on to what is there or what could be there. It is our nature to want to see the best in people and being in a relationship is no different. In fact, relationships may make that natural response even worse.
The love of what could have been something that blindsides so many of us. You will not understand this concept until you finally realize one day that maybe, what you have been dealing with is just not for you anymore.
This is hard to realize because in the presence of intermittent “good stuff,” it can feel like a premature failure. You truly believe that if you hang on a little longer, all those could-be’s will become real life. Then, another year passes by without any change. When do you decide to stop? When does reality finally outweigh the could-be’s?
I, for one, took a long time to realize the difference. However, when I overcame my fear, I was able to leave a situation that never satisfied my needs or what I really wanted and needed from a relationship.
I have never met Lisa in person. Lisa is my friend on Twitter. Lisa and I do talk on Twitter. Lisa has been here on my website. I do have Lisa’s permission to use and publish her articles. I am grateful for her keen insights and taking the time to share her own life experience with everyone. You may want to follow Lisa also on here own website at: http://selflovebeauty.com/
I think this article has explained the difference, in holding on to a fantasy of the ideal relationship. Rather than the reality of their present relationship.
Feel free to comment, leave your thoughts and opinions below in the comment section. Ray
This Post Has 8 Comments
What a testimony. I think that many woman go through the same struggle Lisa went through. Her story will give me the courage to write my own testimony. God can use the darkest moments in our live to bring light & healing for someone else.
Thank you Mary, I do hope you will write your own testimony and share it with others.
very interesting article on wishful thinking and true love! You are right, alot of people are in love with the idea of thinking they can make it happen if they try hard enough. I have found that true love just clicks if it is really there! I had an idea of what I wanted in a man but I knew for sure what I DIDN’T want! Everyone I met seemed to have one or two qualities I wanted, but not all of them. So, I decided to quit looking after getting disgusted time after time, That’s when a man popped into my life that had many qualities I wanted! I knew immediately that he was my soul mate, and we are still married, happily, after 20 years. So, yes, I do believe in love at first sight! One shouldn’t have to TRY SO HARD to make love happen, if it’s supposed to be, then it will happen naturally!
Thank you Booklover2, I know we all have hopes and dreams, that is part of who we are. It is sad when a dream replaces reality and people suffer for it. I am glad you found a good man that you could build a life with. Come back and share more when you have the chance.
Love is what really matters,good article love is to people respecting their own individuality and moving to the same goal.
Thank you for your comment and kind words and I agree with you. Where would we be without love?
I am happy for book lover 2….. yes love comes, when u are not looking for it, for me after 8 years of knowing the guy and being friends with him, after opening up your heart , like u would to a trusted best friend, we found ourselves falling for each other….. the best relationships come out from friendships. They already know you, inside andout, no pretensions, no secrets, no masks….. it just gets better by the day, especially if you see them , thru God’s loving eyes….
Thank you Marie for your comment. I am glad you found a good relationship. I hope God will continue to bless it.