I wanted to share this article with my readers. It has a lot of common sense and I think we have all felt that we have been thrown away. It should not happen to anyone. I think, “Have You Ever Been Thrown Away Like Garbage,” hits a note with too many today. This article is written by: April Williams, Minneapolis Interpersonal Relationships Examiner.
Have you ever been thrown away like garbage?
“There are an alarming number of people who throw other people away in the same manner that they toss out their household garbage. The trip to the dumpster is swift and once the trash is in there, it is completely forgotten about. The expression, “getting dumped”, is not a coincidence or an accident.”
“We will begin with an example. Mark and Alyssa formed and built a friendship, that spanned nearly two years. They then made a mutual decision to be in a committed, intimate relationship with each other. The brief relationship consisted of healthy characteristics: honesty, fidelity, open communication, a balance between time spent together and time apart, respect, and trust. With as little as a three-day warning that something was not quite right, Mark said the following to Alyssa on the phone: “I do not have the patience to wait for you to heal.”
“I do not want to be with you anymore.” That was it. There has been no further communication whatsoever. On the rare occasions that they see each other in public, they do not even say hello. Two people who were building their lives with each other suddenly became nothing.”
“What causes people to engage in such cold and cavalier behavior? Sadly, there may be as many reasons as there are people. However; there are generalities that we can examine in this article. One insidious generality is that we live in a disposable culture. Materialism and greed under the guise of convenience has taught us that things are disposable and easily replaced. We have disposable diapers, lighters, razors, pens, plates and cups, cameras, etc. Then there are objects that seem to have a sense of longevity or even permanence, but this is an illusion.”
“Computers, cars, and appliances are all designed and built to decay in a short amount of time. And rather than go through the hassle and cost of repairing them, people just throw them away and get new ones. This materialistic, external way of living has penetrated the psyches of many and led them to view people in the same way. If you no longer meet my needs, I can and will throw you away.”
“Another generality is deep-seated selfishness. Now before you rebel at this, let’s look at some of the ways that selfishness gets disguised. People who throw others away will use such justifications as, I didn’t love him/her anymore. There were just too many problems. It was overwhelming. The relationship got stale. We just weren’t growing. Underneath all of these justifications is a theme of, Me Me Me. I don’t want to be with someone I no longer love. I don’t want to do the hard work that could repair this relationship.”
“I don’t want to be bored. The basic underlying characteristic of a relationship is that it consists of two people, not one. People who are that deeply selfish, need to stay out of relationships. But we know this isn’t going to happen because they won’t be honest with themselves and attempt to change. They will continue to leave destruction and pain in their paths.”
“Is there anything we can do to prevent being thrown away? Again, sadly, there are no guarantees other than to completely stay out of relationships. Some people do quite well with this, others not so much. However; there are signs or red flags that you can look for in the early days of getting to know someone. Before they become a part of your path rather than someone who has merely crossed it.”
“Notice how much time they spend talking about themselves. Granted, a certain amount of this is necessary to get to know someone. You will, however, if you listen closely, learn to discern excessive self-talk.”
“Are they boastful when talking? Bragging is a sign of insecurity and selfishness.”
“Do they dominate the conversation? If over the course of dinner, you have been able to utter only 3 or 4 sentences, take this as a sign of selfishness.”
“When you do speak, do they listen to you? Many people have poor listening skills, but there are a couple of obvious signs to look for. If you frequently hear, “Yeah, but…” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.” you aren’t being listened to.”
“Being thrown away like garbage, can be very painful. Exercise caution, and keep your radar up when dating. Also, be very careful not to become a person who throws others away. It isn’t the right thing to do.”
CONCLUSION
I agree with April Williams and this article. I hope her insights will save someone the pain and heartache of being dumped and trashed. I am convinced that so many have mistaken sex for love and do not know the difference. When the thrill wears off, then so does their commitment.
I am also convinced that society does not really know what true love is all about. Please check out my article called “What is true love.” I truly believe that anyone who understands what I say in this article will never be fooled about love and they can use it as a tool to evaluate what kind of love they really have, and what kind of love they should have. It is located at the top of this website.
It is common in today’s society to throw away love. Being dumped and thrown away is painful, it is a learning experience and has consequences. It can be devastating, especially to the ones being dumped like trash or thrown away. Our society has developed the attitude that anything is disposable. Most products are developed that way today.
Have we become a disposable society? Throw this one away and get a new one, find a replacement. A newer product which is better. People are not things that you just trash. Even some things have value in a yard sale. Material things have become more important than people in relationships. It is common to see wives and children dumped in our society. This should never happen.
It is a mark of shame on our very culture. Our society has developed the attitude that people are disposable and easily thrown away, just like trash or garbage.
My question for you is this? Have You Ever Been Thrown Away Like Garbage? Each individual and person has value and worth. I see this happening in all forms of relationships. From dating to marriage, even parents being thrown away or replaced. If a relationship does not work, then leave the right way. At least you will be respected. People dump and throw away others as easily as taking a drink of water. The most common excuse is, “I just don’t love you anymore.”
Your thoughts, opinions, and comments are welcome. Leave them here. If I can help you then let me know. If I can help you then leave a message here–RAY
This happened to me in a very nasty way. Just tossed aside like trash. It was very painful and I wanted to give up. I’m very sensitive and already have trust vulnerability issues. So I got very depressed and in pain. I just want this pain to end. I was dumped so hard it hurts so bad. I tried to resist this relationship and I already struggle with intimacy. I made a mistake and they dumped me HARD! I am praying for healing. Thanks for your post.
Dear Natalie, Thank you for your post and message. I am very sorry this happened to you, it should never happen. I really do understand your feelings because I have been there also. We live in an age and society where only “SELF” matters. I see very little morality, trust, respect or responsibility in relationships today. Feel free to come back and read other articles. I would like to recommend one of my articles to you. It is called what is true love. This may help you and show you what true love is and keep you from ever being deceived again.
Oh me too! Please don’t give up! I met this man in church and afte four years thought I could tell him how I felt and he said nope. Friendship is over no reconciliation but I’ll say hi to you at shabbat. Wth!
Thanks for your comment Natalie, or Martha I am sorry that you wasted your time in this relationship. It is very hard when you have invested your life building a relationship that you plan to be forever here on this earth, then watch it being thrown away. I have too many comments on here with the same story, and I have my own story also. If you would please come back and read my article at the top of the page called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” Many people have said they never saw love this way. GOD BLESS YOU—RAY
Yes I got finality without warning that it was last time.I begged to do closure in a healthy way.Never got it.He mislead me many times. I get nothing.No friendship calls texts letter etc.NOTHING.I am on my own and it hurts like hell. I am physically Ill from it.Watch those dam red flags.
Thank you, Diane, for your comment and I am really sorry for your hurt and pain. This should not happen to anyone and it is very hard to find closure. Things like this only create barriers and you put up brick walls to protect yourself, so you do not go through the pain again. It is the normal self-preservation to make sure that you are used this way again. These lessons are painful and hard when you learn them this way. I am praying that God will help and bless you, I am praying that you will come through this a better person. One day this slug will realize what he missed out on. Please come back to my website anytime and read more articles that I have about love. I am praying for you.
WOW! This article hit me hard. I was with the man of my dreams. We never fought, we laughed, were best friends and lives together for a year. There were absolutely NO warning signs. I knew nothing was wrong. Then he just moved to another city and said I can’t stand your teenage daughter. Long story but yes he dumped me like a trash bag. Told me how wonderful I am, funny, good cook, great lover. Now I hear nothing from him. How can you tell someone you love them so much and how great I am and toss me out like a bag of trash? I’m devastated. I had trust issues before and he got me to trust him. I thought he was the one. I don’t think I will ever be able to be with anyone ever again. How can I? If a nice sincere man comes along I will never believe in them. I am glad not I’m not the only one out there but I’m also sad we have to even have a discussion about such things.
Thank you, Lisa, for your comment. I am so sorry this has happened to you. It should never happen to anyone. Unfortunately, there are those selfish people who care only about themselves and what they want. It does damage people and destroy their ability to trust or bond with anyone. If he had a problem with your teenage daughter, he should have taken the time to discuss it with you and your daughter. It sounds more like he used your teenage daughter as an “excuse” to leave. You and your daughter deserve better. I know this painful and devasting to you, I can only say it may be better that you find out now before you got permanently hooked up with this guy. One day when you have the right man you may consider it a blessing. Come back and read other articles. My older articles are about love and relationships.
It happened to me 10 months ago. We were engaged and coming up on our 2 year anniversary. He got Cancer the 2nd year of the relationship. I took care of him and everything else for a year. Drove him to radiation everyday. Talked him through it. He had to be in a mask locked down to a table. As soon as he was in remission he threw me out like garbage! No warning. Nothing! We lived together. He just woke up and flipped out on me one day. He pulled his gun out as i was trying to get some of my things together. It has been a nightmare! I was able to get some of my stuff back due to the fact I filed a restraining order. I’ve heard nothing in 10 months. The exparte was only good for 3 months. No apology. No closure. Nothing..This has been devastating to say the least. I thought I knew this man. I thought he was a good person! I never thought he would this! He still has a lot of my stuff..This has made me very angry at 1st and now depressed.I pray a lot. No one should EVER be made to feel like trash! I sympathize with all of you.
Hello Melody, I want to thank you for your comment and your honesty. Thank you for sharing this with us. You give totally of yourself to someone else and this is the reward you get.It is not fair and it totally sucks. I think I can safely say that he is the real loser. As horrible as the situation is, I am thankful that it did not happen to you after you made it legal with this man. I hope and pray that he never has the chance to do this to another woman. He treated you like trash and tried to make you feel like trash, but you are not. Please feel free to come back here anytime and read some more articles about love. I am going to send you a personal email that I hope will help you. GOD BLESS YOU. Ray
I have known this man for 30 years. We finally started dating and one day (two weeks before moving to his same city) I get a phone call, although I had seen him a week before, I get this phone call ‘I cant do this anymore’ that was it. No closure. No appologies. Nothing. The hardest part has been realizing he wasnt the person I thought he was and that he just threw me away. 30 years of knowing this coward and he threw me away.
Hello Miss Edie, Thank you for your comment and posting your horrible story. I am very sorry this happened to you and it is happening more and more in the perverse society. It is a real shame when you put your heart, love, and trust into a relationship, then get thrown away without any warning. It does make you put up barriers and makes you wonder if you will ever be able to trust anyone. It would be very nice if you would join us at my chatroom and share with us. The link is https://agapechristianchatroom.com or you can find it here on this website where it says enter chatroom. Come back any time and GOD BLESS YOU. Ray
I got put in the hospital twice after hurricane Harvey with pneumonia. My son pushed me to sell my house cuz I couldn’t work, he would take care of me. Now after “borrowing” over $25,000.00 from me as soon as I sold my house he is trying to kick me out because I won’t give him any more. Won’t pay his car payment. I have no where to go no where to turn. I am devastated.
Dear Mrs. Debra, Thank you for your comment and your honesty. You are always welcome here on my site. I really hate this has happened to you and it should never happen to any parent. Dear lady, I have numerous friends who are going through this just like you. I will try and speak in general terms rather than specifically your son, because I do not know him. I know and totally understand, this new generation is totally unlike our generation. We grew up being taught morals, values and ethics. We were taught respect, especially for our parents and elders. We were disciplined and taught right from wrong. This younger generation has not learned this lesson or values. Many, many people are dealing with children who are self-centered and want only what they want. I see a generation who think the world owes them a living. I see a generation where parents are abused and their children think they should support them for their entire lives. I see a generation who does not know the meaning of the words “RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY.” I see a generation of children that will never grown up but will soak their parents dry, then complain that they did not get more. I see a generation that knows nothing about a work ethic, and only want a free ride their entire life.
I see parents who are totally disrespected and used by their own children. It is hard and painful to realize how quickly your own children will put you on the streets after they have lied, and used you to take everything they can. I do understand why you are devastated. I wish I could help but I cannot not. I can only pray that God will open doors for you and meet your needs. I will be praying and feel free to contact me at my email address. I am asking friend to pray for you also. GOD BLESS YOU—–RAY
This happened to me about a month ago. We were together for 6 years. He has been struggling with mental health for years, so there was a pattern of him threatening to leave during conflict and during conflict free times. I was the one to repair things in the past, still holding on to what we had. This time, another public outburst where I’m left standing alone in the street, I didn’t have the energy to mend. So while people passed us by, I listened to him humiliate me, make up flimsy reasons why I wasnt good enough for him, and then watched him dramatically take off. That was the last time I saw him. I know that mental illness may be the big factor here, but I don’t care anymore. I was swallowed up and told that I was forever, and then done away with as if my human heart meant that little to him.
Dear Mel, Thank you for your comment and sharing a horrible situation. It should never happen to anyone. I do not have to tell you that people will only love you for what they can get out of you, then throw you away. When the benefits are gone then they have no use for you. You said, “I was not good enough.” You were made to fell that way and it should never happen. I think one day this guy will wake up and see what he threw away and let go. Second, I want to say that I am so thankful that God does not treat us that way. He will always be there for you. YOU WERE IMPORTANT ENOUGH THAT CHRIST DIED FOR YOU AND ME. 3rd, I want you to think about this. I am a yard sale person. I do not need the finest or the best. They money I save makes me happy. Where I live there is no trash pickup, we drive down the road to the dumpsters. I found a great glass table there sitting on the ground. It now sits in my kitchen. I imagine that someone wanted newer and just got rid of it. To them it was no longer needed or wanted. I said, “Thank you Lord for giving this to me. Mel, ONE MANS TRASH IS ANOTHER MANS TREASURE. That man is the loser, not you. Be thankful that you go out before it was too late. I do hope you will come back here to my site. I would love for you to read my article called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” If you understand what this article says, then you will never be fooled about love. Ray
This happen to me recently. My gf of 2.5 years had started to become distance and i raised the issue and eventually it lead to me being dumped. What’s worse is those signs you mentioned. She said she was overwhelmed trying to deal with aging parents and balance time with friends, myself and work. She said she loved me but didn’t know what she wanted. It strange Bc i didn’t know people dumped the ones they love. She always was a person who talked about herself to. Always needing praise or affirmation about all the great things she did at work. I mostly would listen and try to give her that praise but definitely now like a red flag of selfishness. I wanted to work thing out but she said no. And seem to project on me all the feelings I had and that because i was unhappy and miserable that she was doing what was right for both of us. I was so shocked because i never felt that way. I know all relationships have trouble but i wasn’t any of the things she said. Yet she said that’s what her decision was based on. So confused
Dear William, Thank you for your comment and message. Sometimes it is very hard to figure out what went wrong. You rack your brain and rewind to try and figure this out. Way too many times you come to the conclusion that you gave 100% and she gave nothing. It is hard to say, but I totally understand I have been there. I really think that no matter what you do or no matter how much you give, it will never be enough. There are gives and there are takers. Takers will take all that you will give, and still will never be enough. William, be thankful for one thing. Be thankful that you were not married to her for many years. I will be honest, I had a 33-year marriage with 2 kids when my ex-wife walked in and informed me that she was leaving. Her reason was this: “I NEVER LOVED YOU, I JUST MARRIED YOU TO GET AWAY FROM AND ALCOHOLIC FATHER.” She had a fantasy dream of a life that she was going to live when she left me. Her fantasy life turned into a nightmare, so now she lives with it and she cannot blame me. Do not let this hold you back and keep moving on. Now you know all the signs and you will recognize it in the next woman. Come back any time and I have another article that will tell you WHAT true love is. That one you need to know. RAY
I too had a marriage of long endurance. We were best friends from elementary all the way up to graduation (never dated each other), then got together after high school, got married and stayed that way for 27 years. Two children and three different states later (all moves for his job advancement) and he dumped us like 3 bags of trash. His reason? I was an AWESOME mom, but a crappy wife. That he had never loved me and never should have married me. He left us for another married woman that he worked with, and they are “happily married”. I’ve tried to move on and tell myself that I have, but whenever I see them out together, all the old feelings of hurt and rage come bounding back with a vengeance. My friends keep telling me that he will eventually reap what he has sown, but still to this day (10 years later), they’re happily married and all is well in their part of the world. Have you ever heard “one and done”? That’s me. I will never put myself through this pain and torment ever again.
Mrs. Tina, Thank you for your comment. I agree with you and this is happening everyday in our society. I sent you a personal email. You have a new friend and I do hope that you will respond. GOD BLESS YOU Ray
I can’t even believe I am not alone. After 4 years, the “love of my life”, broke up in a text He was my lover, my best friend, and a better father to my kids than their actual dad. I adored him. And after 4 yrs, “move on” in a text. I thought, NO one else could ever have such tragedy heaped on them. Seeing I am not the only one, fooled, hurt, abandoned, trash, makes me feel SO much better. I feel for all the previous posters. This is terrible to endure. NO ONE should have to do this….
Dear Lady, Thank you for your comment. Unfortunately, this is an every day occurrence. We live in a self-centered society today, where men will just walk off and ditch their families and the ones they claim they love. Irresponsibility has become the new norm for our society. The damage that occurs stays with you for life. It will only make you “bitter or better.” It makes it difficult to trust anyone again. You are correct, no one should have to endure this. I hope you will come back and read my article called “What is true love.” It has helped a lot of people and showed them what kind of love they have and what is real. GOD BLESS YOU. RAY
My ex left me twice. The first time was a week before our 3 year anniversary. She started drinking lots and ignoring my calls. Then she left me for a co-worker. 6 months later she came back. I gave her another chance. I stayed and she was angry and moody. Different for about 2 years. Then we had a baby. Things were finally back to normal. Then small things started getting her mad. She had this uncontrollable anger that was hot one day and cold the next. She brokeup again the second time.a week before our 8 year anniversary. Went completely cold like I was a stranger. The second time she went on antidepressants and told me she didn’t feel anything for me. I snooped her call logs and found that she was talking to another guy. I don’t think it ever went anywhere with them. Possibly cheated again. Not really sure. I just don’t understand. I always bent over backwards for her. We had a family . And it’s like once something new comes along she can’t resist it. Like a kid who’s told not to push the button but does because they would wonder “what if” for the rest of there life. Left me broken for ever. I can’t move on. I am afraid of having sex now for some reason and avoid any women.my anxiety gets so high
Hello Kirk. Thank you for your comment and I do understand exactly what you are saying. In today’s society, there is no sense of commitment to any relationship. You cannot make anyone love you, you cannot make anyone accept you, you cannot make anyone respect you, and no matter how hard you try, you cannot hold on to what you do not have. I know this will either make you bitter or better. The mis-trust factor is the hardest to get over. I hope that you will have a great relationship with your child and I would concentrate on that. At least now you know what not to look for. I invested 33 years into a marriage with 2 kids when it happened to me. I hope you will come back and read my article called “What is true love.” If you understand this then you will never be fooled by another woman. RAY
idk wat I’m doing wrong people tell me anything they think I want till hear to make me comfortable enough to trust them as soon as I let my guard down they flip the script and usually end all communication. I’m so sick of not ever being good enough
Thank you for your comment Dee. You are good enough, so do not let anyone tell you different. You are not alone in this situation, unfortunately, it happens everyday. I would like to ask you a favor please. Come back here and read my article called “What is true love.” I wrote this article because people have a misconception about what love really is. I believe that anyone who understands this article will NEVER be fooled by anyone again. Your problem is not that you are not good enough, it is their problem of not really knowing what love is. If you get this then please respond, I would love to talk to you. GOD BLESS YOU—RAY
Thank you for this wonderful article, Ray! Thank you for being so kind and considerate in the comments as well.
I was with a man for nearly 5 years who constantly talked about our future house and kids, but who also became physically abusive to me. One day he told me he only wanted to be “roommates”, threw me away, and immediately pursued three other relationships, all within a time period of only 4 months! It’s so bizarre to think about to this day and I still blame myself for everything despite his obvious problems. I am telling you that I never saw it coming. This man was someone I considered intelligent, caring, and generally on my level until the abuse happened. He is currently with the last woman he pursued after the others rejected him. The woman before that was actually his current girlfriend’s best friend, and as you can guess, they are no longer friends. Despite all of this clearly BAD behavior, he is warmly accepted by his new girlfriend’s entire social circle. I honestly do believe he uses people for his personal gain and will throw them away when he is finished. His mother is my parents’ neighbor and my parents tell me that she is struggling with a lot of issues and loneliness, and this man hasn’t even paid her a visit (he lives well within driving distance) for nearly a year, and did not visit her for Christmas or any other holiday this past year. He is an only child. He has plenty of money and means to visit her. I’m only 22, barely making ends meet, but my sister and I are still willingly taking care of our mother who has numerous health issues, because she took care of us for so many years. That’s how it works.
From my standard, he is a shitty person and I hope someone exposes him for the abomination he is one day. I feel deeply for others that have gone through similar situations. It’s almost like the person lies to themselves, or completely lacks any integrity, to use someone for years and just decide one day that they don’t want you anymore, without warning! Or, perhaps they do extravagant or convincing things that make you believe whole-heartedly that they really do have an honest, raw love for you, but then come out one day and say that they “just don’t love you anymore”. But you still loved them, put in the effort, and forgave them for all their shitty mistakes without threatening to leave.
To be with someone and pretend to love them for years, then act like they just don’t exist anymore? I can’t understand that mindset at all. Why all the effort and moving in with them, etc. if you really didn’t like them?
Dear Miss Kimmie, Thank you so much for your reply here. I am older and you are younger but we still have the same wants, needs, desires, feelings and emotions. We ALL hurt. Just as others here have stated. I hope I can say something here that may help you. I am thankful that you did not end up married to this guy or have kids with him. As painful as it is, I am glad you have not invested years and years with him. Here is what I see in the new progressive generation. Love is NOT enough (not that you were truly loved, but used). You must have Trust, Respect, and Responsibility to go with Love, or it will never work. I think you have clearly indicated that you never had any of those with this guy.
He really does sound like an Atypical “SCAMMER” who does not even know what love is or what love is all about. I would like to ask you for a favor. I have an article here on my website, it is at the top of the pages. It is called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” I think you will like this article and I think it will show you a different and true way to see and understand what true love really is. There are 4 words in this article that opens up people’s eyes. I have said for years now that ANYONE who understands these 4 words regarding true love WILL NEVER be deceived. It is a way to honestly “TEST” what kind of love is being offered. This article helps anyone see what is true and genuine. Thank you for your dedication to your mom, I am sure she loves you and appreciates you for it. I hope to hear from you again, and please read What Is True love. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
My husband and I were together 30 years, married 25+ years. Two amazing kids. Seemingly happy. I say seemingly because in May of 2018 he announced he thought we’d be happier apart, and he was gone. Within 4 months of our divorce he had a woman he’d been friends with in high school move in and living with him. I tried for a year and 10 months to stay in each other’s lives in some capacity, on good terms. He’s closed the door, checked out, can’t do it (although he swore at the time of the break he would never do this to me). I don’t know which pain is worse, my broken heart, or accepting he was not the man I thought he was. Who can so completely discard someone they loved and shared a life with? And what is wrong with me that I want someone who could do this to me still in my life?
Dear Mrs. Amy, Thank you for your comment and for sharing your experience and pain here. It may not be much encouragement to you, but as y0u can see you are not alone in being dumped and thrown away. I do find from others that one day his eyes will be open and he will realize what he lost and the damage he did to you. I understand exactly how you feel. I dated for 2 years in high school, we later got married and had 2 children. 31 years later she walked in one day and told me that she was leaving, moving in with a girlfriend. I asked, why, what have I done. She told me, I never loved you, I only married you to get away from and alcoholic father. I never got to do the things I wanted to, do and my dreams did not come true.
Here is what I know for a fact. You cannot make someone love you, you cannot make someone want you, you cannot make someone accept you, and you cannot make someone respect you. If you have to try and force them to do this, it is really not worth it, because they never wanted to. I hope you will come back here and read my article at the top called “What is true love.” I think it will help you see what you did and did not have. I will pray for you and contact me at any time. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
My boyfriend of five years came home from a night out with the guys at 3:00 in the morning and woke me up just to start an argument and broke up with me. Granted, we had problems in the relationship, but we both agreed to go to therapy to work on our issues. Him breaking up with me was completely unexpected. He said mean-spirited things like “you’re a bad girlfriend,” “you’re on the market again, so you’ll be fine,” “you never loved or respected me,” “now, you can go back to being the bad girlfriend you always were,” etc. Words can’t even adequately paint a picture of what I’ve been going through since then. This was three days ago.
Dear Miss Teri, Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. It is very hard when you are building a long term relationship and think you have the one you will spend the rest of your life with. It is hard to find out that he was not really committed to the relationship, and wanted no responsibility for the relationship. It sounds like he was looking for a reason to break up, it is possible that hs buddies influenced him.
I hope that you will come back here and read my article at top of the pages called what is true love. If you understand this article then you will never be fooled about what kind of love you have. https://www.whatstruelove.com/what-is-true-love/ I hope to hear from you again and GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
Hi Ray,
Thanks for your article. It was like a breath of fresh air. Reading it made me realize that i’m not that the only one that feels that if you have something good you should try and work on it. My girlfriend and I of 3 years recently broke up because she didn’t like some of the choices i was making and she felt like we both needed to work on ourselves. Now i’m not talking about decisions by me that were grossly irresponsible like cheating on her or driving drunk but decisions on how i find my next job. We moved to a smaller city and i had a harder time finding regular work. I had a truck that broke down. Bottom line everything went to hell in a short amount of time and she just said goodbye. Bummed
I understand and respect that but it’s still hard because if feel like we can do that together. We had such an incredible chemistry together and really breaks my heart that she is able to just throw it away so carelessly. It’s really sad that we do live in such a disposable society where people think it’s ok to just throw away love like that.
Dear Garrison, thank you for sharing your story with us. I think you can see many here in the same situation and it always hurts. You give your life and your love to someone else then watch it be thrown away. I was thinking the same thing as you before you said “Disposable Society.” Just look at all the products we have today that are DISPOSABLE. Use it once then throw it away. Unfortunately, there are disposable relationships, disposable families, disposable children (abortionists are famous for that one). I truly believe this new generation does not know or have a true understanding of these 3 words: TRUST, RESPECT, AND RESPONSIBILITY. So-called Human Rights rule supreme today. It is like people are saying, “I have the right to do anything I choose too and I chose what is right or wrong for me.” I find in relationships how a person’s commitment is also quickly disposable.
I hope you will come back and read my article at the top of each page called What is True love. It is a real test that will show anyone what true love is and you will never be fooled, about the kind of love you are getting from another person. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
My wife of 35 years threw me away 15 months ago with no more emotions than driving up the street to pick up a pizza(not kidding!) She simply just quit her job, cleaned out our bank accts and drove away. Leaving behind a husband who loved her and did everything in his power to make her happy. She also abandoned our house and her 2 elderly dogs. She now lives with relatives 500 miles away and is working a full time job and living rent free. Throughout our decades of marriage she was a serial cheater, kept us financially destroyed and was as cruel and black hearted as any person you would see in a horror movie. I am devastated beyond words, was left virtually penniless and in very poor health. She won’t ever return a call and the few text messages i’ve received over the last 15 months have been nothing but condescending and self righteous remarks. Inflicting as much pain and agony that she possibly can seems to be her only purpose to me. And what makes this even more unbearable is the fact that she is the one playing the victim and garnering as much sympathy as she can possibly can. I have no doubt that at the very least she is an extreme narcissistist and probably a complete sociopath. I am literally at the end of my rope, i cannot even afford to divorce her because of the devastating financial mess she left me in. I can’t
sell anything because legally she still owns half of everything. Lawyers are outrageously expensive and all of my attempts to obtain some legal assisstance has been a dead end. The whole situation is completely hopeless and the psychological torment i feel every minute of every day is pushing me to just end this suffering on my own and get the inevitable over and done with. I would not wish this on my worst enemy!
Regards
Dear Timothy, Thank you for your response and comment. I truly do understand “EXACTLY” how you feel. If you read some of the other comments on this article then you already know that there are many of us that feel the same way, and have been through this also. It appears that your so-called wife is in another state. I do not know what state you are in but could you use legal aid to get a divorce and file against her for “ABANDONMENT?” I have been through the same thing from a 30-year marriage, 20 years ago. It turns your life upside down and ruins you when this happens.
Sir, I have no idea if you are a Christian, but I only know that God can and will bring you through this if you let Him. This will only make you bitter or better. You did not mention any children so I presume you had no children with her. May I suggest that you come back here and read my article called “What is true love?” It will show you what you really had with this woman and you will never be fooled again by any femal when you understand it. I hope to hear back from you and I am praying for you. RAY
What a powerful article. I never comment on things like this, but have to say thank you! My boyfriend of almost two years dumped me a few weeks ago. I have never put two and two together about the term “dumped” until this article. About a year into our relationship he started backing away and in the time span of 6 weeks texted me to end things. I never felt like it was meant to end and wrestled with God over this. Two months later he contacted me, said he had been foolish, made apologies to everyone in my life who had also been hurt through the breakup and we promised each other that NEVER again would we let lack of communication get between us.
Fast forward a year and the cycle repeated. He started pulling away from me and made a lot of excuses for why. We agreed to go to therapy which I thought helped and it just aggravated him. I was blamed by him for everything – I was told I wasn’t sexually attractive (and supposedly never was), I was selfish, I played the victim, I didn’t stand up for him, I didn’t protect him, and supposedly I never loved him. He eventually texted me again saying he wanted to “opt out” of our relationship and he hoped I would understand.
This is a man who throughout his life has dealt with childhood trauma, PTSD, and pushing people away when they don’t “love” him the way he thinks they should. Instead of realizing family and people and relationships are messy, his solution is to leave. I’m sad the relationship is over because I wanted him to realize life can be so much different then how he perceives it. I’m very grateful we were not engaged (though he had a ring for me that he had been holding onto for a year and a half – that should have been a red flag…)
So thank you Ray for this article. Thank you for helping me realize that I am NOT trash. I am will struggle with trusting men for quite a while, but this article has been so encouraging.
Dear Susanna, Thank you kindly for your comment. I am glad this article was able to help you understand more. I have 70 articles here on my website but this article over the years has received more comments than any other article. I believe the reason is it is so relevant in today’s society and happens every day. You said when this happened that you turned to God for understanding-I AM VERY GLAD YOU DID THAT. He told you that you were not sexually attractive, but the real beauty comes from within, he failed to see and realize that.
I do not know either of you but I feel that he is the real loser. With true love, there must be trust, respect, and responsibility. I would like to ask a favor from you, Please. I believe I can help shed some light on what went wrong in your relationship (I do not think it was you). I think the real problem was LOVE, it is the same problem with many others who have commented here. I would like to ask you to come back here and read my article at the top of the page called, “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” This article is not long but shows the real difference in what we call love and different kinds of love. It will show anyone what kind of love they had in their relationship. It will show you what you had and what you did not have. I promise you it will open your eyes and by this test, you will never be fooled again about what someone is offering you. It will also keep you from being hurt or used again in the future.
Susanna, It is impossible for anyone to truly love without “GIVING.” “GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE.” I see too many 1 way relationships today, where only 1 person in the relationship, demands their wants and needs be satisfied. If you will read my article called what is true love, no one will ever be able to use you again. Understand the 4 little words about love that will open your eyes and understanding. I am going to pray for you and ask God to bless and touch your heart. Feel free to contact me at any time. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
Happened to me in May. My mom died unexpectedly and everything was fine I thought. He stopped answering my text messages and finally told me to leave him alone he was working. I noticed I was blocked on facebook and I used a friends page to see him standing there in the picture happy as ever with another woman. Broke my heart :'( I never contacted him to even let him know that I found out. It’s been 5 months now and it still stings. I didnt deserve it. I was so good to him. We never even argued. Now I feel like I wasn’t good enough and the woman he is with now is obviously better than me 🙁 he could have been a man and not a coward. Especially knowing I’d just lost my mother :'( I’m starting to think he may be a narcissistic but either way karma will get him.
Miss Nicole, I am sorry this happened to you like many others. I am sorry you also lost your mother. I disagree with your statement that “he obviously found a better woman than you.” I agree with you that was and is a coward. I am glad that you were not legally connected with him or had children with him. THAT IS A BLESSING FOR YOU. You are correct he will reap what he sowed-that is guaranteed. I am really praying and asking God to bring the right man into your life who treats you like a real woman and not just someone who will totally disrespect you and dump you like garbage. Please come back here any time and read my article called What is True Love. GOD BLESS YOU RAY
This happens to both men and women. I was so deeply in love with a woman and I thought we had six wonderful years together. But after 5 of those years, she started picking fights and made claims that everything was my fault. She wanted out of the relationship but was such a coward that she couldn’t come out and say it. She had been a hard partier and was risking everything, including her children, when I found her. But in the end, she wanted to go back to that life of multiple partners in every iteration imaginable – male, female, couples – and she eventually summoned up the courage to leave. Again, she claimed it was my fault and I found out quickly that she was already seeing someone before that happened – “business trips” on the sly. I tried so hard to fix things, to do anything she wanted because I loved her so much. But she was already gone, although we lived in the same house. After being out every night partying and sleeping with anyone who would look at her, I left. I was devastated. I had invested so much of my life and energy in her and she just trashed what I thought we had. She is hopping from partner to partner right in front of her kids, but none of them seem to care. They are all needy and are enjoying having someone new in their life every week. My pain is so deep and even though months have passed, I still hurt every day when I think of her. Fortunately, I have met someone new and we are beginning to build something that I think will last. Her care for me is genuine and she is helping me to heal. But I tell my story to be a warning – just because you think things are good doesn’t mean that they are. Be careful. There are people you will meet that are callous – they take what you will give to them unconditionally until the new wears off and then they move on. They leave destruction and devastation in their wake. I can’t believe that I was so blind that I couldn’t see the signs. But they are there. Watch for them. They can help you avoid the worst traumas of your life if you can see them before it’s too late.
Thank you for your comment, Richard. I hate this happened to you and as you can see here, it has happened and still happens every day. There is no loyalty and commitment in relationships today. We live in a society where anything goes, if it feels good then do it. Our society has bought into the “HUMAN RIGHTS” agenda that says, it is my human right to do anything that I choose to do, No one has the right to tell me anything. Of course, it will always be your fault, she had to try and justify leaving and what she was doing. You never stated the ages of her children but regardless of their age, they will always remember the revolving door of men.
Richard, You cannot make someone love you, you cannot make someone respect you, you cannot make someone accept you. and you surely cannot hold on to what you do not have. This destroys your very self-worth when you are just thrown in the trash. You invest your heart, your life, and your love in someone who just walks on it, leaves, and shoves it in your face. If you understand the biblical principle of reaping and sowing, then you will understand that the day is coming when all of this will come right back to her. She will find out “THE PARTY IS OVER.” It was not just the loss of this woman but it was also the loss of her kids that you invested your life with. Healing is a slow process and is never a quick fix. I am glad you have someone who is helping you now. I ask you and others who comment here to do yourself a favor. Come back here and look at the very top of my page. You will see my article called, What is True Love. It is not long but I am convinced that if ANYONE understands what I wrote there, they will never be fooled about true love. It really is a test to show you what you had with this woman or any other woman. Feel free to vist or comment any time. Ray
Dear Mr. Mudd, Thanks for your comment and I know many of us have felt the same way. I know it can be totally devestating and ruin your whole life. I also personally know it will make you bitter or better. God knows the future and I hope it will one day turn out to be a blessing for you instead of a curse. Come back anytime and share with us. GOD BLESS YOU RAY
I just got discarded like a piece of trash. In a matter of one month, I got demoted from honey, to friend, to like a sister and then finally unfriended on SM. Without any conflict. I don’t know what I did wrong. This is the most dehumanizing act anyone has ever done to me.
Thank you for your comment. We live in a world today where the only thing that matters is “ME.” People are only concerned with themselves. They see relationships as disposable. I find so many people who have the desire and want a real relationship but find that relationships do not last today. People do not want a relationship where there is respect and responsibility. We have become the “THROW AWAY SOCIETY AND PEOPLE.”
I do understand exactly what you are saying. This will not be any comfort to you but I have to say it may be better that you find out now rather then months and years investing in the relationship. Please come back here and read my article at the top of the page called What is true love. It will show anyone what kind of love they truly have in a relationship. Ray
Well into my 40’s and not much surprises me in life any longer. I was recently discarded and I never saw it coming. After 2-3 years of friendship and nearly a year of dating during which time he pursued me and I’d spent more and more time with his school-age daughter, parents, and close friends even over the holidays… My therapist and I discussed how good it felt and how well it seemed to be going (I was in therapy after having left a toxic narcissist years prior). He simply called one night and said he was no longer interested, we had no chemistry (which was an obvious lie…), and he didn’t want to invest in the relationship any longer. For anyone who hasn’t been callously thrown away (and with finality – this man had no interest in preserving any type of friendship even) it may seem like a “bad break up” but they cannot understand the depth of sociopathy. Regardless, when someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go. And I did. I told him I would not have any contact with him and months later that is the case. Nothing. I let him know it was disappointing but it was his loss and not mine. I still truly believe that, even though he will never realize the love he left. He just can’t appreciate it. And I kept wondering “what happened to you? Who hurt you so much to make such an otherwise amazing person treat another human like this? To make yourself feel better???” I pray that he knows, truly knows and experiences that one unconditional love. I know what it feels like to be loved, uniquely loved and for eternity by our Lord in Heaven and I want that for him too. Blessings to anyone who has been treated this way that you may know the true love of God and know how precious you are to Him.
Miss Michelle, Thanks for the comment and welcome to the club. It is never easy being “DUMPED” especially when you have put your heart and soul in a relationship. I admire your attitude in knowing that he truly does not understand “TRUE LOVE” and what it involves. If you do not have trust, respect and responsibility to go with love, then you have nothing. You spoke of Unconditional love and I have written a lot about it. I do hope you will come back and read my article called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE” at the top of the page. It does help people see what kind of love they really have. GOD BLESS YOU. RAY
https://www.whatstruelove.com/what-is-true-love/ Thank you miss Kimberly. This is the article here on my website. I appreciate your response. Also if you type in whatstruelove.com you will see it at the top of the page.
Minneapolis Interpersonal Relationships Examiner.
This happened to me in a very nasty way. Just tossed aside like trash. It was very painful and I wanted to give up. I’m very sensitive and already have trust vulnerability issues. So I got very depressed and in pain. I just want this pain to end. I was dumped so hard it hurts so bad. I tried to resist this relationship and I already struggle with intimacy. I made a mistake and they dumped me HARD! I am praying for healing. Thanks for your post.
Dear Natalie, Thank you for your post and message. I am very sorry this happened to you, it should never happen. I really do understand your feelings because I have been there also. We live in an age and society where only “SELF” matters. I see very little morality, trust, respect or responsibility in relationships today. Feel free to come back and read other articles. I would like to recommend one of my articles to you. It is called what is true love. This may help you and show you what true love is and keep you from ever being deceived again.
Oh me too! Please don’t give up! I met this man in church and afte four years thought I could tell him how I felt and he said nope. Friendship is over no reconciliation but I’ll say hi to you at shabbat. Wth!
Thanks for your comment Natalie, or Martha I am sorry that you wasted your time in this relationship. It is very hard when you have invested your life building a relationship that you plan to be forever here on this earth, then watch it being thrown away. I have too many comments on here with the same story, and I have my own story also. If you would please come back and read my article at the top of the page called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” Many people have said they never saw love this way. GOD BLESS YOU—RAY
Yes I got finality without warning that it was last time.I begged to do closure in a healthy way.Never got it.He mislead me many times. I get nothing.No friendship calls texts letter etc.NOTHING.I am on my own and it hurts like hell. I am physically Ill from it.Watch those dam red flags.
Thank you, Diane, for your comment and I am really sorry for your hurt and pain. This should not happen to anyone and it is very hard to find closure. Things like this only create barriers and you put up brick walls to protect yourself, so you do not go through the pain again. It is the normal self-preservation to make sure that you are used this way again. These lessons are painful and hard when you learn them this way. I am praying that God will help and bless you, I am praying that you will come through this a better person. One day this slug will realize what he missed out on. Please come back to my website anytime and read more articles that I have about love. I am praying for you.
WOW! This article hit me hard. I was with the man of my dreams. We never fought, we laughed, were best friends and lives together for a year. There were absolutely NO warning signs. I knew nothing was wrong. Then he just moved to another city and said I can’t stand your teenage daughter. Long story but yes he dumped me like a trash bag. Told me how wonderful I am, funny, good cook, great lover. Now I hear nothing from him. How can you tell someone you love them so much and how great I am and toss me out like a bag of trash? I’m devastated. I had trust issues before and he got me to trust him. I thought he was the one. I don’t think I will ever be able to be with anyone ever again. How can I? If a nice sincere man comes along I will never believe in them. I am glad not I’m not the only one out there but I’m also sad we have to even have a discussion about such things.
Thank you, Lisa, for your comment. I am so sorry this has happened to you. It should never happen to anyone. Unfortunately, there are those selfish people who care only about themselves and what they want. It does damage people and destroy their ability to trust or bond with anyone. If he had a problem with your teenage daughter, he should have taken the time to discuss it with you and your daughter. It sounds more like he used your teenage daughter as an “excuse” to leave. You and your daughter deserve better. I know this painful and devasting to you, I can only say it may be better that you find out now before you got permanently hooked up with this guy. One day when you have the right man you may consider it a blessing. Come back and read other articles. My older articles are about love and relationships.
It happened to me 10 months ago. We were engaged and coming up on our 2 year anniversary. He got Cancer the 2nd year of the relationship. I took care of him and everything else for a year. Drove him to radiation everyday. Talked him through it. He had to be in a mask locked down to a table. As soon as he was in remission he threw me out like garbage! No warning. Nothing! We lived together. He just woke up and flipped out on me one day. He pulled his gun out as i was trying to get some of my things together. It has been a nightmare! I was able to get some of my stuff back due to the fact I filed a restraining order. I’ve heard nothing in 10 months. The exparte was only good for 3 months. No apology. No closure. Nothing..This has been devastating to say the least. I thought I knew this man. I thought he was a good person! I never thought he would this! He still has a lot of my stuff..This has made me very angry at 1st and now depressed.I pray a lot. No one should EVER be made to feel like trash! I sympathize with all of you.
Hello Melody, I want to thank you for your comment and your honesty. Thank you for sharing this with us. You give totally of yourself to someone else and this is the reward you get.It is not fair and it totally sucks. I think I can safely say that he is the real loser. As horrible as the situation is, I am thankful that it did not happen to you after you made it legal with this man. I hope and pray that he never has the chance to do this to another woman. He treated you like trash and tried to make you feel like trash, but you are not. Please feel free to come back here anytime and read some more articles about love. I am going to send you a personal email that I hope will help you. GOD BLESS YOU. Ray
I have known this man for 30 years. We finally started dating and one day (two weeks before moving to his same city) I get a phone call, although I had seen him a week before, I get this phone call ‘I cant do this anymore’ that was it. No closure. No appologies. Nothing. The hardest part has been realizing he wasnt the person I thought he was and that he just threw me away. 30 years of knowing this coward and he threw me away.
Hello Miss Edie, Thank you for your comment and posting your horrible story. I am very sorry this happened to you and it is happening more and more in the perverse society. It is a real shame when you put your heart, love, and trust into a relationship, then get thrown away without any warning. It does make you put up barriers and makes you wonder if you will ever be able to trust anyone. It would be very nice if you would join us at my chatroom and share with us. The link is https://agapechristianchatroom.com or you can find it here on this website where it says enter chatroom. Come back any time and GOD BLESS YOU. Ray
I got put in the hospital twice after hurricane Harvey with pneumonia. My son pushed me to sell my house cuz I couldn’t work, he would take care of me. Now after “borrowing” over $25,000.00 from me as soon as I sold my house he is trying to kick me out because I won’t give him any more. Won’t pay his car payment. I have no where to go no where to turn. I am devastated.
Dear Mrs. Debra, Thank you for your comment and your honesty. You are always welcome here on my site. I really hate this has happened to you and it should never happen to any parent. Dear lady, I have numerous friends who are going through this just like you. I will try and speak in general terms rather than specifically your son, because I do not know him. I know and totally understand, this new generation is totally unlike our generation. We grew up being taught morals, values and ethics. We were taught respect, especially for our parents and elders. We were disciplined and taught right from wrong. This younger generation has not learned this lesson or values. Many, many people are dealing with children who are self-centered and want only what they want. I see a generation who think the world owes them a living. I see a generation where parents are abused and their children think they should support them for their entire lives. I see a generation who does not know the meaning of the words “RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY.” I see a generation of children that will never grown up but will soak their parents dry, then complain that they did not get more. I see a generation that knows nothing about a work ethic, and only want a free ride their entire life.
I see parents who are totally disrespected and used by their own children. It is hard and painful to realize how quickly your own children will put you on the streets after they have lied, and used you to take everything they can. I do understand why you are devastated. I wish I could help but I cannot not. I can only pray that God will open doors for you and meet your needs. I will be praying and feel free to contact me at my email address. I am asking friend to pray for you also. GOD BLESS YOU—–RAY
This happened to me about a month ago. We were together for 6 years. He has been struggling with mental health for years, so there was a pattern of him threatening to leave during conflict and during conflict free times. I was the one to repair things in the past, still holding on to what we had. This time, another public outburst where I’m left standing alone in the street, I didn’t have the energy to mend. So while people passed us by, I listened to him humiliate me, make up flimsy reasons why I wasnt good enough for him, and then watched him dramatically take off. That was the last time I saw him. I know that mental illness may be the big factor here, but I don’t care anymore. I was swallowed up and told that I was forever, and then done away with as if my human heart meant that little to him.
Dear Mel, Thank you for your comment and sharing a horrible situation. It should never happen to anyone. I do not have to tell you that people will only love you for what they can get out of you, then throw you away. When the benefits are gone then they have no use for you. You said, “I was not good enough.” You were made to fell that way and it should never happen. I think one day this guy will wake up and see what he threw away and let go. Second, I want to say that I am so thankful that God does not treat us that way. He will always be there for you. YOU WERE IMPORTANT ENOUGH THAT CHRIST DIED FOR YOU AND ME. 3rd, I want you to think about this. I am a yard sale person. I do not need the finest or the best. They money I save makes me happy. Where I live there is no trash pickup, we drive down the road to the dumpsters. I found a great glass table there sitting on the ground. It now sits in my kitchen. I imagine that someone wanted newer and just got rid of it. To them it was no longer needed or wanted. I said, “Thank you Lord for giving this to me. Mel, ONE MANS TRASH IS ANOTHER MANS TREASURE. That man is the loser, not you. Be thankful that you go out before it was too late. I do hope you will come back here to my site. I would love for you to read my article called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” If you understand what this article says, then you will never be fooled about love. Ray
This happen to me recently. My gf of 2.5 years had started to become distance and i raised the issue and eventually it lead to me being dumped. What’s worse is those signs you mentioned. She said she was overwhelmed trying to deal with aging parents and balance time with friends, myself and work. She said she loved me but didn’t know what she wanted. It strange Bc i didn’t know people dumped the ones they love. She always was a person who talked about herself to. Always needing praise or affirmation about all the great things she did at work. I mostly would listen and try to give her that praise but definitely now like a red flag of selfishness. I wanted to work thing out but she said no. And seem to project on me all the feelings I had and that because i was unhappy and miserable that she was doing what was right for both of us. I was so shocked because i never felt that way. I know all relationships have trouble but i wasn’t any of the things she said. Yet she said that’s what her decision was based on. So confused
Dear William, Thank you for your comment and message. Sometimes it is very hard to figure out what went wrong. You rack your brain and rewind to try and figure this out. Way too many times you come to the conclusion that you gave 100% and she gave nothing. It is hard to say, but I totally understand I have been there. I really think that no matter what you do or no matter how much you give, it will never be enough. There are gives and there are takers. Takers will take all that you will give, and still will never be enough. William, be thankful for one thing. Be thankful that you were not married to her for many years. I will be honest, I had a 33-year marriage with 2 kids when my ex-wife walked in and informed me that she was leaving. Her reason was this: “I NEVER LOVED YOU, I JUST MARRIED YOU TO GET AWAY FROM AND ALCOHOLIC FATHER.” She had a fantasy dream of a life that she was going to live when she left me. Her fantasy life turned into a nightmare, so now she lives with it and she cannot blame me. Do not let this hold you back and keep moving on. Now you know all the signs and you will recognize it in the next woman. Come back any time and I have another article that will tell you WHAT true love is. That one you need to know. RAY
I too had a marriage of long endurance. We were best friends from elementary all the way up to graduation (never dated each other), then got together after high school, got married and stayed that way for 27 years. Two children and three different states later (all moves for his job advancement) and he dumped us like 3 bags of trash. His reason? I was an AWESOME mom, but a crappy wife. That he had never loved me and never should have married me. He left us for another married woman that he worked with, and they are “happily married”. I’ve tried to move on and tell myself that I have, but whenever I see them out together, all the old feelings of hurt and rage come bounding back with a vengeance. My friends keep telling me that he will eventually reap what he has sown, but still to this day (10 years later), they’re happily married and all is well in their part of the world. Have you ever heard “one and done”? That’s me. I will never put myself through this pain and torment ever again.
Mrs. Tina, Thank you for your comment. I agree with you and this is happening everyday in our society. I sent you a personal email. You have a new friend and I do hope that you will respond. GOD BLESS YOU Ray
I can’t even believe I am not alone. After 4 years, the “love of my life”, broke up in a text He was my lover, my best friend, and a better father to my kids than their actual dad. I adored him. And after 4 yrs, “move on” in a text. I thought, NO one else could ever have such tragedy heaped on them. Seeing I am not the only one, fooled, hurt, abandoned, trash, makes me feel SO much better. I feel for all the previous posters. This is terrible to endure. NO ONE should have to do this….
Dear Lady, Thank you for your comment. Unfortunately, this is an every day occurrence. We live in a self-centered society today, where men will just walk off and ditch their families and the ones they claim they love. Irresponsibility has become the new norm for our society. The damage that occurs stays with you for life. It will only make you “bitter or better.” It makes it difficult to trust anyone again. You are correct, no one should have to endure this. I hope you will come back and read my article called “What is true love.” It has helped a lot of people and showed them what kind of love they have and what is real. GOD BLESS YOU. RAY
My ex left me twice. The first time was a week before our 3 year anniversary. She started drinking lots and ignoring my calls. Then she left me for a co-worker. 6 months later she came back. I gave her another chance. I stayed and she was angry and moody. Different for about 2 years. Then we had a baby. Things were finally back to normal. Then small things started getting her mad. She had this uncontrollable anger that was hot one day and cold the next. She brokeup again the second time.a week before our 8 year anniversary. Went completely cold like I was a stranger. The second time she went on antidepressants and told me she didn’t feel anything for me. I snooped her call logs and found that she was talking to another guy. I don’t think it ever went anywhere with them. Possibly cheated again. Not really sure. I just don’t understand. I always bent over backwards for her. We had a family . And it’s like once something new comes along she can’t resist it. Like a kid who’s told not to push the button but does because they would wonder “what if” for the rest of there life. Left me broken for ever. I can’t move on. I am afraid of having sex now for some reason and avoid any women.my anxiety gets so high
Hello Kirk. Thank you for your comment and I do understand exactly what you are saying. In today’s society, there is no sense of commitment to any relationship. You cannot make anyone love you, you cannot make anyone accept you, you cannot make anyone respect you, and no matter how hard you try, you cannot hold on to what you do not have. I know this will either make you bitter or better. The mis-trust factor is the hardest to get over. I hope that you will have a great relationship with your child and I would concentrate on that. At least now you know what not to look for. I invested 33 years into a marriage with 2 kids when it happened to me. I hope you will come back and read my article called “What is true love.” If you understand this then you will never be fooled by another woman. RAY
idk wat I’m doing wrong people tell me anything they think I want till hear to make me comfortable enough to trust them as soon as I let my guard down they flip the script and usually end all communication. I’m so sick of not ever being good enough
Thank you for your comment Dee. You are good enough, so do not let anyone tell you different. You are not alone in this situation, unfortunately, it happens everyday. I would like to ask you a favor please. Come back here and read my article called “What is true love.” I wrote this article because people have a misconception about what love really is. I believe that anyone who understands this article will NEVER be fooled by anyone again. Your problem is not that you are not good enough, it is their problem of not really knowing what love is. If you get this then please respond, I would love to talk to you. GOD BLESS YOU—RAY
Thank you for this wonderful article, Ray! Thank you for being so kind and considerate in the comments as well.
I was with a man for nearly 5 years who constantly talked about our future house and kids, but who also became physically abusive to me. One day he told me he only wanted to be “roommates”, threw me away, and immediately pursued three other relationships, all within a time period of only 4 months! It’s so bizarre to think about to this day and I still blame myself for everything despite his obvious problems. I am telling you that I never saw it coming. This man was someone I considered intelligent, caring, and generally on my level until the abuse happened. He is currently with the last woman he pursued after the others rejected him. The woman before that was actually his current girlfriend’s best friend, and as you can guess, they are no longer friends. Despite all of this clearly BAD behavior, he is warmly accepted by his new girlfriend’s entire social circle. I honestly do believe he uses people for his personal gain and will throw them away when he is finished. His mother is my parents’ neighbor and my parents tell me that she is struggling with a lot of issues and loneliness, and this man hasn’t even paid her a visit (he lives well within driving distance) for nearly a year, and did not visit her for Christmas or any other holiday this past year. He is an only child. He has plenty of money and means to visit her. I’m only 22, barely making ends meet, but my sister and I are still willingly taking care of our mother who has numerous health issues, because she took care of us for so many years. That’s how it works.
From my standard, he is a shitty person and I hope someone exposes him for the abomination he is one day. I feel deeply for others that have gone through similar situations. It’s almost like the person lies to themselves, or completely lacks any integrity, to use someone for years and just decide one day that they don’t want you anymore, without warning! Or, perhaps they do extravagant or convincing things that make you believe whole-heartedly that they really do have an honest, raw love for you, but then come out one day and say that they “just don’t love you anymore”. But you still loved them, put in the effort, and forgave them for all their shitty mistakes without threatening to leave.
To be with someone and pretend to love them for years, then act like they just don’t exist anymore? I can’t understand that mindset at all. Why all the effort and moving in with them, etc. if you really didn’t like them?
Dear Miss Kimmie, Thank you so much for your reply here. I am older and you are younger but we still have the same wants, needs, desires, feelings and emotions. We ALL hurt. Just as others here have stated. I hope I can say something here that may help you. I am thankful that you did not end up married to this guy or have kids with him. As painful as it is, I am glad you have not invested years and years with him. Here is what I see in the new progressive generation. Love is NOT enough (not that you were truly loved, but used). You must have Trust, Respect, and Responsibility to go with Love, or it will never work. I think you have clearly indicated that you never had any of those with this guy.
He really does sound like an Atypical “SCAMMER” who does not even know what love is or what love is all about. I would like to ask you for a favor. I have an article here on my website, it is at the top of the pages. It is called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” I think you will like this article and I think it will show you a different and true way to see and understand what true love really is. There are 4 words in this article that opens up people’s eyes. I have said for years now that ANYONE who understands these 4 words regarding true love WILL NEVER be deceived. It is a way to honestly “TEST” what kind of love is being offered. This article helps anyone see what is true and genuine. Thank you for your dedication to your mom, I am sure she loves you and appreciates you for it. I hope to hear from you again, and please read What Is True love. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
My husband and I were together 30 years, married 25+ years. Two amazing kids. Seemingly happy. I say seemingly because in May of 2018 he announced he thought we’d be happier apart, and he was gone. Within 4 months of our divorce he had a woman he’d been friends with in high school move in and living with him. I tried for a year and 10 months to stay in each other’s lives in some capacity, on good terms. He’s closed the door, checked out, can’t do it (although he swore at the time of the break he would never do this to me). I don’t know which pain is worse, my broken heart, or accepting he was not the man I thought he was. Who can so completely discard someone they loved and shared a life with? And what is wrong with me that I want someone who could do this to me still in my life?
Dear Mrs. Amy, Thank you for your comment and for sharing your experience and pain here. It may not be much encouragement to you, but as y0u can see you are not alone in being dumped and thrown away. I do find from others that one day his eyes will be open and he will realize what he lost and the damage he did to you. I understand exactly how you feel. I dated for 2 years in high school, we later got married and had 2 children. 31 years later she walked in one day and told me that she was leaving, moving in with a girlfriend. I asked, why, what have I done. She told me, I never loved you, I only married you to get away from and alcoholic father. I never got to do the things I wanted to, do and my dreams did not come true.
Here is what I know for a fact. You cannot make someone love you, you cannot make someone want you, you cannot make someone accept you, and you cannot make someone respect you. If you have to try and force them to do this, it is really not worth it, because they never wanted to. I hope you will come back here and read my article at the top called “What is true love.” I think it will help you see what you did and did not have. I will pray for you and contact me at any time. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
My boyfriend of five years came home from a night out with the guys at 3:00 in the morning and woke me up just to start an argument and broke up with me. Granted, we had problems in the relationship, but we both agreed to go to therapy to work on our issues. Him breaking up with me was completely unexpected. He said mean-spirited things like “you’re a bad girlfriend,” “you’re on the market again, so you’ll be fine,” “you never loved or respected me,” “now, you can go back to being the bad girlfriend you always were,” etc. Words can’t even adequately paint a picture of what I’ve been going through since then. This was three days ago.
Dear Miss Teri, Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. It is very hard when you are building a long term relationship and think you have the one you will spend the rest of your life with. It is hard to find out that he was not really committed to the relationship, and wanted no responsibility for the relationship. It sounds like he was looking for a reason to break up, it is possible that hs buddies influenced him.
I hope that you will come back here and read my article at top of the pages called what is true love. If you understand this article then you will never be fooled about what kind of love you have. https://www.whatstruelove.com/what-is-true-love/ I hope to hear from you again and GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
Hi Ray,
Thanks for your article. It was like a breath of fresh air. Reading it made me realize that i’m not that the only one that feels that if you have something good you should try and work on it. My girlfriend and I of 3 years recently broke up because she didn’t like some of the choices i was making and she felt like we both needed to work on ourselves. Now i’m not talking about decisions by me that were grossly irresponsible like cheating on her or driving drunk but decisions on how i find my next job. We moved to a smaller city and i had a harder time finding regular work. I had a truck that broke down. Bottom line everything went to hell in a short amount of time and she just said goodbye. Bummed
I understand and respect that but it’s still hard because if feel like we can do that together. We had such an incredible chemistry together and really breaks my heart that she is able to just throw it away so carelessly. It’s really sad that we do live in such a disposable society where people think it’s ok to just throw away love like that.
Dear Garrison, thank you for sharing your story with us. I think you can see many here in the same situation and it always hurts. You give your life and your love to someone else then watch it be thrown away. I was thinking the same thing as you before you said “Disposable Society.” Just look at all the products we have today that are DISPOSABLE. Use it once then throw it away. Unfortunately, there are disposable relationships, disposable families, disposable children (abortionists are famous for that one). I truly believe this new generation does not know or have a true understanding of these 3 words: TRUST, RESPECT, AND RESPONSIBILITY. So-called Human Rights rule supreme today. It is like people are saying, “I have the right to do anything I choose too and I chose what is right or wrong for me.” I find in relationships how a person’s commitment is also quickly disposable.
I hope you will come back and read my article at the top of each page called What is True love. It is a real test that will show anyone what true love is and you will never be fooled, about the kind of love you are getting from another person. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
My wife of 35 years threw me away 15 months ago with no more emotions than driving up the street to pick up a pizza(not kidding!) She simply just quit her job, cleaned out our bank accts and drove away. Leaving behind a husband who loved her and did everything in his power to make her happy. She also abandoned our house and her 2 elderly dogs. She now lives with relatives 500 miles away and is working a full time job and living rent free. Throughout our decades of marriage she was a serial cheater, kept us financially destroyed and was as cruel and black hearted as any person you would see in a horror movie. I am devastated beyond words, was left virtually penniless and in very poor health. She won’t ever return a call and the few text messages i’ve received over the last 15 months have been nothing but condescending and self righteous remarks. Inflicting as much pain and agony that she possibly can seems to be her only purpose to me. And what makes this even more unbearable is the fact that she is the one playing the victim and garnering as much sympathy as she can possibly can. I have no doubt that at the very least she is an extreme narcissistist and probably a complete sociopath. I am literally at the end of my rope, i cannot even afford to divorce her because of the devastating financial mess she left me in. I can’t
sell anything because legally she still owns half of everything. Lawyers are outrageously expensive and all of my attempts to obtain some legal assisstance has been a dead end. The whole situation is completely hopeless and the psychological torment i feel every minute of every day is pushing me to just end this suffering on my own and get the inevitable over and done with. I would not wish this on my worst enemy!
Regards
Dear Timothy, Thank you for your response and comment. I truly do understand “EXACTLY” how you feel. If you read some of the other comments on this article then you already know that there are many of us that feel the same way, and have been through this also. It appears that your so-called wife is in another state. I do not know what state you are in but could you use legal aid to get a divorce and file against her for “ABANDONMENT?” I have been through the same thing from a 30-year marriage, 20 years ago. It turns your life upside down and ruins you when this happens.
Sir, I have no idea if you are a Christian, but I only know that God can and will bring you through this if you let Him. This will only make you bitter or better. You did not mention any children so I presume you had no children with her. May I suggest that you come back here and read my article called “What is true love?” It will show you what you really had with this woman and you will never be fooled again by any femal when you understand it. I hope to hear back from you and I am praying for you. RAY
What a powerful article. I never comment on things like this, but have to say thank you! My boyfriend of almost two years dumped me a few weeks ago. I have never put two and two together about the term “dumped” until this article. About a year into our relationship he started backing away and in the time span of 6 weeks texted me to end things. I never felt like it was meant to end and wrestled with God over this. Two months later he contacted me, said he had been foolish, made apologies to everyone in my life who had also been hurt through the breakup and we promised each other that NEVER again would we let lack of communication get between us.
Fast forward a year and the cycle repeated. He started pulling away from me and made a lot of excuses for why. We agreed to go to therapy which I thought helped and it just aggravated him. I was blamed by him for everything – I was told I wasn’t sexually attractive (and supposedly never was), I was selfish, I played the victim, I didn’t stand up for him, I didn’t protect him, and supposedly I never loved him. He eventually texted me again saying he wanted to “opt out” of our relationship and he hoped I would understand.
This is a man who throughout his life has dealt with childhood trauma, PTSD, and pushing people away when they don’t “love” him the way he thinks they should. Instead of realizing family and people and relationships are messy, his solution is to leave. I’m sad the relationship is over because I wanted him to realize life can be so much different then how he perceives it. I’m very grateful we were not engaged (though he had a ring for me that he had been holding onto for a year and a half – that should have been a red flag…)
So thank you Ray for this article. Thank you for helping me realize that I am NOT trash. I am will struggle with trusting men for quite a while, but this article has been so encouraging.
Dear Susanna, Thank you kindly for your comment. I am glad this article was able to help you understand more. I have 70 articles here on my website but this article over the years has received more comments than any other article. I believe the reason is it is so relevant in today’s society and happens every day. You said when this happened that you turned to God for understanding-I AM VERY GLAD YOU DID THAT. He told you that you were not sexually attractive, but the real beauty comes from within, he failed to see and realize that.
I do not know either of you but I feel that he is the real loser. With true love, there must be trust, respect, and responsibility. I would like to ask a favor from you, Please. I believe I can help shed some light on what went wrong in your relationship (I do not think it was you). I think the real problem was LOVE, it is the same problem with many others who have commented here. I would like to ask you to come back here and read my article at the top of the page called, “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE.” This article is not long but shows the real difference in what we call love and different kinds of love. It will show anyone what kind of love they had in their relationship. It will show you what you had and what you did not have. I promise you it will open your eyes and by this test, you will never be fooled again about what someone is offering you. It will also keep you from being hurt or used again in the future.
Susanna, It is impossible for anyone to truly love without “GIVING.” “GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE.” I see too many 1 way relationships today, where only 1 person in the relationship, demands their wants and needs be satisfied. If you will read my article called what is true love, no one will ever be able to use you again. Understand the 4 little words about love that will open your eyes and understanding. I am going to pray for you and ask God to bless and touch your heart. Feel free to contact me at any time. GOD BLESS YOU–RAY
Happened to me in May. My mom died unexpectedly and everything was fine I thought. He stopped answering my text messages and finally told me to leave him alone he was working. I noticed I was blocked on facebook and I used a friends page to see him standing there in the picture happy as ever with another woman. Broke my heart :'( I never contacted him to even let him know that I found out. It’s been 5 months now and it still stings. I didnt deserve it. I was so good to him. We never even argued. Now I feel like I wasn’t good enough and the woman he is with now is obviously better than me 🙁 he could have been a man and not a coward. Especially knowing I’d just lost my mother :'( I’m starting to think he may be a narcissistic but either way karma will get him.
Miss Nicole, I am sorry this happened to you like many others. I am sorry you also lost your mother. I disagree with your statement that “he obviously found a better woman than you.” I agree with you that was and is a coward. I am glad that you were not legally connected with him or had children with him. THAT IS A BLESSING FOR YOU. You are correct he will reap what he sowed-that is guaranteed. I am really praying and asking God to bring the right man into your life who treats you like a real woman and not just someone who will totally disrespect you and dump you like garbage. Please come back here any time and read my article called What is True Love. GOD BLESS YOU RAY
This happens to both men and women. I was so deeply in love with a woman and I thought we had six wonderful years together. But after 5 of those years, she started picking fights and made claims that everything was my fault. She wanted out of the relationship but was such a coward that she couldn’t come out and say it. She had been a hard partier and was risking everything, including her children, when I found her. But in the end, she wanted to go back to that life of multiple partners in every iteration imaginable – male, female, couples – and she eventually summoned up the courage to leave. Again, she claimed it was my fault and I found out quickly that she was already seeing someone before that happened – “business trips” on the sly. I tried so hard to fix things, to do anything she wanted because I loved her so much. But she was already gone, although we lived in the same house. After being out every night partying and sleeping with anyone who would look at her, I left. I was devastated. I had invested so much of my life and energy in her and she just trashed what I thought we had. She is hopping from partner to partner right in front of her kids, but none of them seem to care. They are all needy and are enjoying having someone new in their life every week. My pain is so deep and even though months have passed, I still hurt every day when I think of her. Fortunately, I have met someone new and we are beginning to build something that I think will last. Her care for me is genuine and she is helping me to heal. But I tell my story to be a warning – just because you think things are good doesn’t mean that they are. Be careful. There are people you will meet that are callous – they take what you will give to them unconditionally until the new wears off and then they move on. They leave destruction and devastation in their wake. I can’t believe that I was so blind that I couldn’t see the signs. But they are there. Watch for them. They can help you avoid the worst traumas of your life if you can see them before it’s too late.
Thank you for your comment, Richard. I hate this happened to you and as you can see here, it has happened and still happens every day. There is no loyalty and commitment in relationships today. We live in a society where anything goes, if it feels good then do it. Our society has bought into the “HUMAN RIGHTS” agenda that says, it is my human right to do anything that I choose to do, No one has the right to tell me anything. Of course, it will always be your fault, she had to try and justify leaving and what she was doing. You never stated the ages of her children but regardless of their age, they will always remember the revolving door of men.
Richard, You cannot make someone love you, you cannot make someone respect you, you cannot make someone accept you. and you surely cannot hold on to what you do not have. This destroys your very self-worth when you are just thrown in the trash. You invest your heart, your life, and your love in someone who just walks on it, leaves, and shoves it in your face. If you understand the biblical principle of reaping and sowing, then you will understand that the day is coming when all of this will come right back to her. She will find out “THE PARTY IS OVER.” It was not just the loss of this woman but it was also the loss of her kids that you invested your life with. Healing is a slow process and is never a quick fix. I am glad you have someone who is helping you now. I ask you and others who comment here to do yourself a favor. Come back here and look at the very top of my page. You will see my article called, What is True Love. It is not long but I am convinced that if ANYONE understands what I wrote there, they will never be fooled about true love. It really is a test to show you what you had with this woman or any other woman. Feel free to vist or comment any time. Ray
My name is Mudd. It’s sure happening to me. Trust NOBODY.
Dear Mr. Mudd, Thanks for your comment and I know many of us have felt the same way. I know it can be totally devestating and ruin your whole life. I also personally know it will make you bitter or better. God knows the future and I hope it will one day turn out to be a blessing for you instead of a curse. Come back anytime and share with us. GOD BLESS YOU RAY
I just got discarded like a piece of trash. In a matter of one month, I got demoted from honey, to friend, to like a sister and then finally unfriended on SM. Without any conflict. I don’t know what I did wrong. This is the most dehumanizing act anyone has ever done to me.
Thank you for your comment. We live in a world today where the only thing that matters is “ME.” People are only concerned with themselves. They see relationships as disposable. I find so many people who have the desire and want a real relationship but find that relationships do not last today. People do not want a relationship where there is respect and responsibility. We have become the “THROW AWAY SOCIETY AND PEOPLE.”
I do understand exactly what you are saying. This will not be any comfort to you but I have to say it may be better that you find out now rather then months and years investing in the relationship. Please come back here and read my article at the top of the page called What is true love. It will show anyone what kind of love they truly have in a relationship. Ray
Well into my 40’s and not much surprises me in life any longer. I was recently discarded and I never saw it coming. After 2-3 years of friendship and nearly a year of dating during which time he pursued me and I’d spent more and more time with his school-age daughter, parents, and close friends even over the holidays… My therapist and I discussed how good it felt and how well it seemed to be going (I was in therapy after having left a toxic narcissist years prior). He simply called one night and said he was no longer interested, we had no chemistry (which was an obvious lie…), and he didn’t want to invest in the relationship any longer. For anyone who hasn’t been callously thrown away (and with finality – this man had no interest in preserving any type of friendship even) it may seem like a “bad break up” but they cannot understand the depth of sociopathy. Regardless, when someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go. And I did. I told him I would not have any contact with him and months later that is the case. Nothing. I let him know it was disappointing but it was his loss and not mine. I still truly believe that, even though he will never realize the love he left. He just can’t appreciate it. And I kept wondering “what happened to you? Who hurt you so much to make such an otherwise amazing person treat another human like this? To make yourself feel better???” I pray that he knows, truly knows and experiences that one unconditional love. I know what it feels like to be loved, uniquely loved and for eternity by our Lord in Heaven and I want that for him too. Blessings to anyone who has been treated this way that you may know the true love of God and know how precious you are to Him.
Miss Michelle, Thanks for the comment and welcome to the club. It is never easy being “DUMPED” especially when you have put your heart and soul in a relationship. I admire your attitude in knowing that he truly does not understand “TRUE LOVE” and what it involves. If you do not have trust, respect and responsibility to go with love, then you have nothing. You spoke of Unconditional love and I have written a lot about it. I do hope you will come back and read my article called “WHAT IS TRUE LOVE” at the top of the page. It does help people see what kind of love they really have. GOD BLESS YOU. RAY
I can’t find the article you keep mentioning “what is true love”. Where can I locate it?
https://www.whatstruelove.com/what-is-true-love/ Thank you miss Kimberly. This is the article here on my website. I appreciate your response. Also if you type in whatstruelove.com you will see it at the top of the page.