I wanted to write this article called, “Looking For Love.” I think it is needed and I hope it will be beneficial and valuable to my readers. I think it is safe to say, “Everyone has either looked for love, or will be looking for love in their lifetime.”
There is an old song published in 1980 by country musician named Johnny Lee called, Looking For Love. It became very popular and I want to quote some of the words here. “Well, I spent a lifetime lookin’ for you. Single bars and good time lovers were never true, Playin’ a fool’s game, hopin’ to win. And tellin’ those sweet lies and losin’ again.
“Chorus: I was lookin’ for love in all the wrong places, Lookin’ for love in too many faces, Searchin’ their eyes, lookin’ for traces. Of what I’m dreamin’ of, Hopin’ to find a friend and a lover. I’ll bless the day I discover,
Another heart- lookin’ for love.”
We live in a society today that wants everything immediately and instantly. Instant dating and social media have played a large part in this. There are more online dating and social sites then there ever has been. Dating sites, chat rooms, cruises, friends, bars and clubs. The list goes on and on, but dating has become big business and high tech in our society and internationally.
Looking for love in all the wrong places, can and will play a big role in dating and relationships. I really believe it all starts with understanding yourself first. That is, if you are going to be successful in looking for love anywhere. Maybe an evaluation of yourself would be a good starting place. Gaining knowledge about you.
What Are Your Wants In A Relationship
I am going to talk about wants, then talk about needs later. I have heard many people say, ” I want to be happy.” So happiness and joy are two aspects. To some people happiness means, cars, boats, money, attention, success and popularity. These External things, material possessions will not satisfy the Internal desires. I have worked for four different millionaires, I have heard all of them say, “Money will not make you happy.”
Many rich people have been blessed and accumulated all of these things. Then later found out when they had all, they wanted the wrong things. It did not bring love, joy, peace or happiness. They were still lonely. Why is that? I think it is because the longing of the heart cannot be satisfied with things.
The best place to start is looking at your own self and what you truly want. Start with understanding your own habits. See how they have developed all through your life. Do you have good habits or bad habits in a relationship or marriage. If you have dated, then look at your habits in past relationships. What worked and what did not work?
Would you be willing to change your habits if necessary? What is really important to you? What has been your ethics or values up to now in dating or a relationship? Make an honest list of what you want for yourself and in a partner. Include such things as friendship, a spouse, family, children, work, income and even church and religion.
What Are Your Needs In A Relationship
Wants and needs are two separate things. God created each of us physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. This is how we are. So how are you in each area? These are the area’s where we have desires that we want met. If you do not know what your needs are, how will someone else? What are your real needs?
Too many people in the dating game settle for a one night stand. A night of passion and sex (a quick fix). They come away empty, with feelings of guilt. Is this the basis of your acceptance and happiness? Does this satisfy and fulfill all of your needs listed above? Every person has a basic need to be loved, accepted and valued.
Realize any person you will date, or be in a relationship with, has the very same needs you do. Do not jump into a relationship because you like someone’s personality or looks. Every person puts their best foot forward. You see one person in public, but the real person in private.
Do not let feelings and emotions override the brain.
Here Are A Few Suggestions For Dating Or Relationship
First, do not set yourself up. Call this a test if you will? Determine not to have sex with the next date for at least a month. This will show you what the other person is really interested in. Are they really interested in you or just your body? Change what you can.
Second, Do not look for any person that will fulfill all of your wants and needs. That is not realistic and will not happen. Look for the person that will share your wants, needs and have like values. Ultimately, your wants and needs can only be fulfilled by you. Depending on someone else to make you feel whole and complete will not work.
Third, We all have strengths and weaknesses. Change the ones that you can. I have had friends say, “I hate myself. I am no good, I am worthless.” You may feel that way, but it is not true. That is a habit you need to change. If you do not love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to love you? That is low self esteem.
I started by saying, looking for love in all the wrong places. Start your look within your own self first. Understanding yourself, your real wants and needs. This will give you greater insight into knowing yourself and others. Change what you can. Knowing this will keep you from unrealistic expectations. It will save you a lot of heartache and pain.
Thank you for taking your time to read this. If I can help you in any way then please let me know. Your thoughts and opinions are welcome, feel free to share them here.
This Post Has 9 Comments
Clifford, this a great article. It definitely lays out the things need to have a successful relationship. I wish when I first started dating I had access to articles like this. The first relationship I had I was too young to know anything about love. The person I was with took full advantage of me. He was emotionally and verbally abusive leaving me 6 mo. pregnant with the best gift he could have ever given me…my son. The second relationship I had was more of the same but worse. He was closer to my age but mean and felt I was suppose to obey him like a slave. I was kind of pushed into that relationship once I became pregnant again. My father asked me to leave his house knowing that I was being abused. He was mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive for 10 yrs. I felt stuck unsure of what to do. I think I left more times that I was actually with him but every time I left I felt like I was a burden to others so I would go back subjecting myself to more of the same. Until one day I realize that situation was not just about me but my children as well. It was then I started to notice how they were be affected so I left for good. He’s hated me for years for leaving and I was cool with that because he wasn’t able to physically hurt me or my children anymore. I had know idea of what love was or how it was suppose to be so I gave up on ever finding love in my life. Then one day I met someone who I believe was only suppose to show me what love real was suppose to be and how I should feel when someone really loves and accepts me for who I am. The relationship was seasonal if you know what I mean. After that, I met someone I believe was my soul mate if there is such a thing but there has been time and space between us, so I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I said all of this to say, this article could say a lot of people in their relationships if they just understood the basics of what love is and is not. Also, I completely agree with you when said, “If you don’t love and accept yourself, how can you expect anyone else to do it?” It just is not possible. Personally, I would much rather just be myself upfront rather than trying to be someone I’m not. I am a loving, caring, emotionally fit (most times) woman. I know what I want and what will make me happy. I don’t need material things to make me happy because that is not what love is about. However, I love receiving gifts. Who doesn’t! BUT, that is not love or what I base love on.
I hope I didn’t lose you in my response. Again, awesome article.
Thanks Sherrie, I appreciate your post and comments. I have to agree with you. I just hate you learned the most important things through the hard lessons of life.
What an awesome website. I’ve never seen one quite like it. Thanks for the nostalgia. I think I can quote all the words of “looking for love”. I remember it well! What is sad to me, I have head that some people never experience love.
Thank you Virgie for your visit and your kind words. If my post and pages will help someone then it is all worth while. Please come back any time.
Thank you Virgie, You are always welcome here. I am glad you understand what love really is.
Hi Ray, This is a very interesting website and this post ‘Looking For Love’ has some real nuggets. Knowing your own value is important, I also believe that the things that you desire in life should not be chased, but the desire in yourself should be understood first.
There is nothing that you do not have that will make you happy once you get it, life is not like that, happiness comes from inside not from anything outside. Love will find you when you learn to give love, if you want a friend then you need to be a friend first. What I am saying is that we receive equal to what we give, and that goes for our thoughts too.
Great article Ray
Thank you for the comment Rob. I agree, if you want a friend you need to be a friend. You are always welcome and your insights are appreciated!
I agree Ray.
Looking for love in the wrong places end in disaster and patience is also so important. Today it is 4 years since I had a relationship and I decided to take it easy afterwards. Do not go and look for a relationship. It will happen if it was meant to be.
Thanks Viljoen, I appreciate your wisdom and experience you are sharing. I wish you the best and I hope you will find what you want and need in a relationship.