I want to start with a few definitions of the terms, cold hearted, cold love. The Dictionary.com states the term was first used in the works of Shakespeare around 1600. The term being defined today as, “lacking in feeling or warmth; unkind.” The Oxford Dictionary says, cold hearted is, “unfeeling · unloving · uncaring · unsympathetic · unemotional · unfriendly · uncharitable · unkind · insensitive · hard-hearted · stony-hearted · heartless · hard · cold.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

I will try to express how and why people become cold hearted and develop cold love. What factors would cause a cold heart to develop cold love. I was a little surprise to find on the internet an article on “Wiki-How” giving 5 detailed instructions on how to become cold hearted then become good at cold love. I also think I am smart enough to know that today’s society want all the benefits of what we call love without a commitment.

We see this happening not just in marriage or friendships, but in dating relationships. It happens in families and society. A large part of this comes from the selfishness of one person who says, “I can do whatever I want. I want things my way, no one has the right to tell me what to do. I am my own boss, I am in control. Take me or leave me just the way I am and I do not want to change it.”                                                          6825171095_d52f040181_b


I just made a strong statement because I said, “No commitment, no love.” When someone takes away their commitment in a relationship, they also take away their love. They withdraw their love with their commitment. Yes, it is the love that fades and dies, but it is the commitment that makes it grow and keeps it going. Acceptance, dedication and their responsibility in the relationship starts to die.

In any relationship if there is no commitment then there is no real unity. You can selfishly quit the relationship even when the love may be sensitive, affectionate, kind, gentle and tender. Many say, “It’s time for me to move on, I need my space.”  Ever hear that?

Compassion fades and dies when selfishness takes over. Even in a marriage relationship there are problems with faults, failures and mistakes. It is not unusual to see one spouse develop an unforgiving attitude. He or she will use it as an excuse. Another way to justify taking away their commitment and love. Too many find a way or reason, not to forgive then quits.


What are the effects of cold love and a cold heart? No peace, joy or satisfaction. No fellowship with each other. Anger, disappointment with the other or both. Bitterness, an unforgiving spirit and bad attitudes surface. They have a definite lack of communication. Couples often stop talking, communicating, then lose interest in their mate.                                                                                                                                      529581_292839377513324_293820919_n (Large)


Now here is a real standard for today, No strings attached. Give me sex, pleasure and passion when I want it. We can agree to continue on this way. No real love. No responsibility and absolutely, No commitment. Do not look for any  up front and know you will not get one. I say, “That’s a game.”

I actually saw this today on Facebook. A young lady was in an argument with her boyfriend. From what I could see on their pages, they had been dating for well over a year. She asked him, “How committed are you to me?” His reply to her was this, “I will be committed to booty calls and that is all.”  Now that is cold.

Commitment and love will fade then die, when a cold heart gives cold love. How many times have you heard a friend or relative say, ” I have a problem in my relationship. He will just not commit.” I think that statement is made many times every day. It may be the biggest problem in relationships today.

I  think this is a real problem in marriages when one person’s love and commitment turns cold. They walk off and leave a spouse and children. They ditch their responsibilities and commitment to their very own children then leave. Just look at the number of single home parents raising children by themselves. Even the Bible says, ” A house divided cannot stand.” Mark 3:25


I want to turn to a real authority on this subject, to God. He is a lot smarter and wiser than I ever will be. Jesus said in Matthew 24:10-12 ” 10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. 11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. 12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax (grow) cold.                                                                      couple-praying

II Timothy 3:1-4 ” This know also, that in the last days perilous (dangerous) times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.”

I hope you noticed a few things in these verses? 1. The love of many will grow cold. 2. People will be lovers of themselves. 3 .People will be lovers of pleasure. 4. People will be without natural affection. My thoughts are, “That is, cold love and a cold heart.”


I am writing this article today February 10, 2015, This very day we see in the news, another man has been arrested. He drove to a bridge, stopped his car, then threw his own baby into the water to die. This is happening more and more. Parents killing their own children in various ways? Read the verse above, without natural affection.

A friend of mine said, ” Oh, he must be mental?” I said, “He may be mental, but what got him to that mental state?” How cold, hard and calloused can a person become? Even to be without  natural affection for their own children? I believe, “Cold love is no love and it is produced from a cold heart.” This is not true or genuine love. It is conditional.


God’s love is called agape. His love is unconditional and comes with an eternal commitment. His love gives, it does not take. Cold hearted love does not come from God. It’s not what God has ever wanted or intended in a relationship or marriage. People tend to forget, their marriage vows are not just a declaration of love to each other. They are also a declaration of their commitment to each other.

Do you think you can separate true love from commitment? Does this help you evaluate your own relationship or marriage? I am interested in your opinion. If I can help you in any way then please let me know. Thoughts and comments are welcome here.  Ray