How well can we describe and understand communication? Have you ever wondered what someone is saying and where it came from? Another vital question is, Why did they say it? I want to talk about communication and its process. It’s really not that complicated. I want to discuss how words and speech impact our lives, especially words of love.
Words are used to express and communicate something. Words convey a message and meaning. They are delivered with intent. The way words are delivered and received, makes all the difference. All words are powerful and have the ability to uplift or tear down. Words can be good or bad, happy or sad. The words of love, are those words most desired.
We all communicate in one way or another. There are many mediums of communication. The four basic mediums or methods of communication we use are Verbal, Written, Nonverbal and Visual. Humans have come a long in the development of communication. The earliest civilizations used symbols, scribblings and writings on walls to communicate.
Verbal communication with speech, is still the most widely known and used form of communication. From the day we are born, we start using verbal and vocalization to express ourselves. We all talk and speak. Even those who are physically or mentally incapable of speech, still use some form of communication.
Communication In Relationships
Communication in a relationship is a necessity. We communicate with children, family, friend or society as a whole. Each person has a tongue and a voice. They want to be heard. I believe we share feelings with each other more than facts or data. Being able to share and express feelings in a relationship is essential to communication.
Let’s talk about words. Words are tools of communication. In close personal relationships, words are used for personal communication. With verbal communication, speech is used to express thoughts, beliefs and meanings. Speech is connected to the thought process. You express your thoughts and feelings through speech, internal to external.
If I say, “I want to speak to you from the bottom of my heart.” Will you understand those words? I am not referring to the organ in my chest that pumps blood. The true heart is the mind, the will and the emotions. This is the center and the core of our being. So where does real communication start? It starts in the heart and is internal.
Do you know we operate only in three areas of life? We Think, Say or Do. Another way to put it is our Thoughts, Speech and Actions. Or, Thoughts, Words, and Deeds. What people think and believe determines what they will say or do. Is this connected to the real heart, (the Mind, Will and the Emotions) Yes!
Is there evidence to support this? Those that specialize in the study of communication are now discovering what the Bible has always said about speech and communication is true. Here is what the Bible says.
(KJV Matthew 12:34). “Oh generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.”
(KJV James 3:8-11). “But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. 11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?”
(KJV Luke 6:45). “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” (KJV Proverbs 21:23) Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.”
(KJV Proverbs 4:23-24). “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. 24 Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.” These are only a few verses from the Bible that shows the definite connection of the real heart to communication, thoughts, speech and the mouth.
We have all done this and made this mistake. We have opened our mouths when it should have been shut. We said something we should not have. We said things without thinking first. We have names in todays society for certain people who cannot keep their mouth shut. Blabbermouth, big mouth, narc. WE say, “Open mouth, insert foot.”
We identify some as having a long tongue, tied in the middle, which wags at both ends. Or those who run their mouth and do not know when to shut up. It is not unusual to hear that someone has stuck their nose in another person’s business, then put their two cents worth in.
Regardless of the relationship or growth stage, communication, speech and words affect everyone. Do you remember this old school yard rhyme that says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” What a lie.
Tough Love and Words Of Love
Wikipedia The Free Eycyclopedia, says this about “Tough Love.” “Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or stern with the intent to help them in the long run. The phrase was evidently coined by Bill Milliken when he wrote the book Tough Love in 1968 and has been used by numerous authors since then.”
“In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their drug-addicted child financially until he or she enters drug rehabilitation would be said to be practicing tough love.”
“Tough love” boot camps for teenagers have been described as child abuse, and the National Institutes of Health noted that “get tough treatments do not work and there is some evidence that they may make the problem worse.” Opinions vary regarding this technique. Society has adopted the terminology. I do wonder if the tough love concept has fostered a mentality in justifying verbal abuse.
Verbal Abuse And Words Of Love
Verbal Abuse is not words of love. They are words that punish and destroy love and self esteem in the victim. Verbal abuse is as damaging as physical abuse. The scars, bruises and wounds are internal. They cannot be seen from the outside. The verbal abuser uses words to control and manipulate. The victim becomes their target.
These are words of condemnation, not love. The verbal abuser uses words as a weapon. The abuser blames their partner or victim for the abusers actions. (You made me do it). The abuser needs a way to justify their verbal abuse and actions. The abuser uses threats and intimidation as a way to control.
The verbal abuser will criticize the victim, use name calling, personal attacks and try to shame them. The abuser will often cuss, swear and scream at the partner or victim. This is control, not intimacy. The verbal abuser will withhold love and emotional affection. It is emotional abuse and is intentional. It is mental anguish and emotional pain and injury.
I do not see this as any form of tough love. I do not see any element of love or concern. It can never be justified. Words do hit as hard as a fist. In my humble opinion, I think a verbal abuser is nothing more than a “Bully.”
It is worth noting that verbal abuse and bullying has increased in our society, especially in our school systems.
NoBullying.com cites the 2014 statics regarding verbal abuse and bullying. They state, “83 percent of girls, and 79 percent of boys report being bullied either in school or online. 75 percent of school shootings have been linked to harassment and bullying against the shooter.” This has been intentional aggressive behavior just like verbal abuse.
True Words Of Love
True words of love are kind, gentle and compassionate. These words of love draw others close. They are honest and truthful, mixed with genuine concern. These words have been thought through and initiated out of love. Their intention is the care, edification and building up the other person. These words are given in humility, without anger or purpose of causing pain.
In relationship problems arise or mistakes are made. These need to be dealt with and corrected. Personal attacks are not the way to resolve the issues. So often, many resent being told words of truth. Solving issues with love, honesty and respect are much easier. Mutual agreement is the goal, not condemnation. Their character is not attacked.
Words are powerful. They can have opposite effects. They can hurt or heal. Encourage or discourage. Build up or break down. Make you laugh or cry. They can be positive or negative. Words can bless or curse. Words can motivate. Words can speak truth or lies. You can use words to draw people closer or drive them away.
Any person who truly wants to change the words they speak, must first change their mind and way of thinking. Especially verbal abusers. Words create an action and reaction. There are consequences with cause and effect.
Once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back. If they are bad or hurtful you can apologize for them. But they still remain. We would all do better to taste our words before we speak. Taste and see if the words are bitter or sweet.
(KJV James 1:19). “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
I started this article talking about different mediums or methods of communication. I chose to focus on Verbal Communication. My reason is this. I believe verbal communication is the most personal. It is mostly one on one and face to face. Through this method of communication we transmit or convey thoughts, intents, and meaning through words.
I wanted to show how it involved our speech, thoughts, words and motives. I wanted to show how it relates to our core being, (the true heart) the mind, will and emotions.
I believe the two greatest gifts God ever gave mankind are life and love. We are born with the ability to love. Life has little meaning without love. Love is at the core and center of our being in our true heart. What greater message can be transmitted or conveyed? Words communicate the meaning of life and love from heart to heart. Words of Love.
Your thoughts, opinions and comments are welcome here. Leave them here for discussion.
This Post Has 2 Comments
Yes, once words are spoken they can never be taken back…I was a victim of verbal abuse ( all the cussing, name calling and all that) that I thought then verbal abuse was much worst than physical abuse. There was no love at all, only control and manipulation.. The experienced made me more or overly sensitive , insecure . I was emotionally and mentally broken that until now the pain still there and there is that ” fear ” and the ” feeling” of being worthless and unwanted . But then the experienced also taught me to be cautious of what I am going to say. afraid to hurt others and getting hurt … Words of love is all I want to say and yes what I want to hear also. If only we think before we speak….. Thank you Ray for another great article. Please keep writing…
Thank you Lyn, I know we would all be better off and save ourselves a lot of trouble if we can learn to control our tongue. One word can cause a wild fire and destroy so much.