There is an old song written in 1960 called, “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow.” It was recorded by an all female vocal group named, “The Shirelles.” This was the first girl group to reach number 1 on the top billboard charts. This article is not about the song or “The Shirelles.” It is about the concept of love and the question, “Will you still love me tomorrow?”
We live in a society today that has become an open culture. There are many things accepted today in the name of love, that were not accepted just ten years ago. A person’s right to love and choice, is now based on human rights and equality. Along with this, has come a change in morals, values and ethics The standards of today, are based on each persons preference. They choose their own standard and decide what is right or wrong for them.
What Is Your Meaning Of Love
The question, Will you still love me tomorrow, also indicates a few things. It has more meaning Like, Fear, doubt and a dread of losing love. It is also asking, “Will you still be with me tomorrow? Am I going to lose you? Am I going to lose your love and respect? What is going to change?” What will you do if they say, NO, meaning, I will not love you tomorrow?
Intimate and romantic desires are powerful feelings. They can overwhelm you and control your feelings, mind and actions. You become dependent on these desires and dependent on another person to fulfill your wants and needs. You can base your acceptance by the response of another person. You grab and hold tight what you don’t want to lose.
What are you willing to do for that person? Just to please them and make them happy? What are you willing to give and sacrifice for them? Do you lose yourself in them? It’s hard to say NO, when you make someone your life or your reason for living. You do things you would not normally do? Once you start it will you be able to stop it? Or will it become habit and expected? The fear of being alone is scary.
In your mind are you saying, “If I don’t give you what you want, then I will lose you?” This feeling is common today. New social standards say, “Do what makes you happy. You determine what is right or wrong for you. It is your life and no one has the right to tell you what to do.” Society accepts No Strings Attached (NSA). Just have lots of passion, sex and romance without any responsibility or commitment. Is a one night stand better than nothing?
The Break Up And Loss Of Love
What happens when there is a split or break up? When someone walks off and leaves you? Now your fear has come true, you are alone. You feel abandoned and rejected. You have lost the love you craved and needed. Do you set out to replace that person and the lost love? You are back in the dating scene, looking for that person that will love you today and tomorrow.
Who will love you today and tomorrow? You know your family will always be there. So will the dog or the cat. The questions for you is, “Will I still love me tomorrow?” Is your joy and happiness produced by what you do or by who you are? What will be the after effects or consequences? No one can meet all of your needs, only you can. That is an unrealistic expectation.
When there is a loss of love, reality often causes you to examine your own identity. Who am I? Why did I allow this to happen? Did I cause this? Did I make a mistake? Why was I so stupid? I knew this would happen, I just hoped for better. I gave them everything I had. Guilt and regret can actually make you feel like you cheated on yourself. Shame on me!
It is easy to become depressed at this time. Depression and loneliness, can often lead you to addictive behavior. I have heard many say, ” I can’t stand being alone. I cannot lay down and sleep by myself. I have to have somebody.” This applies in dating relationships and marriage. I have seen friends do many stupid things during a time of depression and loneliness. They generally regret those things later.
Addicted To Love
Are you a love Addict? This is not just a metaphor, it is an actual Addiction. This is an addiction recognized by the medical community. There are therapy and treatment programs for love addicts. There are support groups like “Love Addicts Anonymous” organization. There is “The Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous.” (S.L.A.A.)
Love addiction happens when a person becomes addicted, to the feelings of being in love. Love addiction is a Compulsive falling in love. It is the Uncontrollable desire to have and remain in love. It is the strong Attachment to another person with no desire to let go, even in a bad relationship. It becomes an Obsession with the object of their love.
Jim Hall, is a Love Addiction Specialist, He holds a BA, MS, Masters Degree in Counseling and Psychology. Jim states, ” Love Addiction is an unhealthy obsessive and dysfuntional dependency to another person in relationships. Love Addiction is finally being recognized as a serious problem and a serious addiction in the media and mental health professionals. Some have difficulty believing “love” can become an addiction. However, love addiction is as real, as painful, and sometimes as deadly as any other addiction (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc.)- the chaos it causes can wreak havoc in people’s lives.”
“Love addicts can become obsessed and addicted to any kind of person- friend, parent, acquaintance, co-worker, child, celebrities, etc.- however, their extreme dependency occurs more often in interpersonal, romantic relationships. More often than not- they tend to draw disengaged romantic partners who walk away from them– these are Avoidants.”
A healthy relationship is good for everyone. Love is at the core of our being. We all experience love in different forms. We crave, then desire, love and acceptance. When love becomes unhealthy, it becomes an obsession, a compulsion, and wants to dominate the other person. In love addiction, a person’s dreams and fantasies become their reality.
Love addiction is more Socially acceptable, then the addiction of Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling. All of these are the same and all have withdraw symptoms. Love is their drug of choice. Too often the love addicted person drives the other away with their behavior. Only when the addiction can no longer be managed or controlled, will people seek help.
The most important question a love addict will ask is, “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” This is their reality and fear of love loss, with all its meaning. If you are a love addict or know one then please seek help. As a doctor. Call your health department. I will list a few links here to organizations that specialize in Love Addiction. The internet does have help available. Love Addicts Anonymous and Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.).
I do hope this article will help someone. Your thoughts, opinions and comments are welcome, leave them here.
This Post Has 3 Comments
I really enjoyed this article. I have heard people talk about being a love addict but never knew what the symptoms were. This has opened my eyes to notice things going on around me. Thanks for the info Ray!!
Thank you Reva I am glad this was helpful. It is a real addiction and people do not realize it.
Oh God, so I am a love addict???? I thought the feeling of fear of losing someone, and being worry freak and keep asking myself ” will he still love me tomorrow ” is just a sign of insecurity??? Thank you Ray for opening my eyes of what was going on in me.. God bless you..