This article is called “Through It All.” I hope to give meaning to the title. We live in a vile wicked time in society today. There is so much wickedness, false doctrine and sin in our society. There is a great deception taking over this world and society. Have you ever wondered why you were even born? Or wished that you had never been born? Even some in the Bible wished that and cursed the day they born. Jeremiah 20:14 ” Cursed be the day wherein I was born, let not the day wherein my mother bare me be blessed.” Job felt the same way. Job 3:1 “Afterward Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.” Also, in Job 3:11 “Why did I not die at birth, come forth from the womb and expire?”
Many people have felt this way and still do. They wonder why they were born and exist. they wonder what their purpose is and meaning in life. To be honest I have wondered that myself, throughout periods of my life. With me, I know I was never wanted. I was the accident that my parents did not want. If abortion had been legal, I know I would have never been here. I lived a very hated and abusive life. So, you go through your life knowing you were never wanted or accepted. You feel like the odds have been stacked against you, since before you were even born. At an early age, you learn that no matter what you do, it will never be good enough or accepted. This becomes the reality that you will live with, and there is no hope that it will change.
You go through life wondering “What have I ever done to be so hated, and rejected by my own parents?” You go through a life of living with False Guilt” and never being able to completely understand it. But you are only guilty of being born and that was not your fault. You are treated like you gave your parents, a life sentence in prison. We are all born with feelings and emotions, and they only get stronger as we grow up. So does the rejection and non-acceptance. And the biggest question of all is “WHY?”
Here is the history and the answer to the question Why? I had 2 older brothers who were wanted and accepted. In 1947 my mother got pregnant and had a 3rd child named Donnie. He had medical problems and loved dearly. Donnie died at 6 months old and it totally devasted my mom and dad. Moma swore that she would never, ever have another child and would never get pregnant. In 1949 an accident happened; she was pregnant with me. I was not wanted or needed. I was seen as a replacement for Donnie, and I was the one that was never wanted. As a child mom and dad divorced and blamed each other for Donnie’s death.
You may wonder how I know this? My grandparents who were great told me why my mother hated me. They told me when I was a grown adult and was married. And my aunts and uncles confirmed it. At least I had my reason and understood why my mother hated me so much. You cannot change the situation, so you just learn to accept the situation and move on.
Dad re-married and so did mom. I was shoved back and forth with my grandmother, then mom, then dad. I had a stepfather that had never had kids and certainly did not want me. My dad’s new wife had 3 kids of her own and I was not wanted or accepted there. She and her 3 kids made my life a living hell, as well as my mom’s new husband. I had been use to physical, mental and emotional abuse all of my life. Then deal with my dad who was a very large man and a violent Alcoholic for years.
YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON
Life dictates that you move on, life does not stand still for anyone. Being an adult, married and having children now, you hope that you might finally have a relationship with your mom. I never drank, done any drugs, never arrested, never got into trouble. I got a good education, I got saved and became a Christian. I went to Bible College for 5 years and graduated with degrees. My dad died 10 days after I graduated Bible College. A year later God called me into the ministry and called me to preach.
I tried to have a relationship with my mom, but she did not want one. She was ashamed of me, and anything associated with me. It tore her all to pieces when her own pastor and the people of her church found out that I was a preacher. I was part of a gospel music singing group, and we sang at her church. My, my, how embarrassed she was because they found out that my last name was not last name of her second husband. I accepted that fact that no matter what I did or accomplished in life would never be accepted in life. And my 2 children would never be accepted by her, because I was their father.
My life was a horror story and what I have written here is the mild small stuff, not the down and dirty stuff heaped on me. When my brother Allen died, she hated me more. She would have been perfectly fine, if it had been me who died. I honestly tried and worked hard to have a relationship with my mother, but nothing ever pleased her. I had one brother left, (Bill) and he and I got along great. My mom called me at work long enough to tell me “TO GO TO HELL.” I had done nothing. That was the last conversation with her. She made my brother Bill promise her that when she died, that he would never notify me and never let me have anything left in her estate. HE AGREED BUT DID NOT KEEP THAT PROMISE TO HER. She did not want me to know when she dies and did not want me at her funeral. (I guess she would have been embarrassed and ashamed in her casket).
I talked about WHY? Yes, I had one miserable life, full of hurt, beatings, pain and misery. It was a horror story. I am NOT writing this article for sympathy at all. There are many people in this world that went through more abuse than I have. I have over 100 articles here on my website that I have written. There is 1 article on this site, it is called “HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THROWN AWAY LIKE GARBAGE?‘ That is my most popular article and has over 200 comments on it. This is how I know and see the abuse of so many people in their lives. And I have responded to every comment. I have 1 large picture of my mother on my bedroom wall. I leave it there, because every time I see it, it reminds of the person I never want to be like. And I never want to treat my own children the way I was treated my whole life. I hope it will make me a better person and I love both of my kids dearly. I have a great relationship with both of my kids and my granddaughter.
You will never overcome a life of abuse on your own. Your flesh, feelings and emotions will not allow that. Unfortunately, too many times those who have been abused turn around and abuse their own family. That is what was taught to them. I wanted to learn from this, and I was determined never to treat my family and relatives this way. Did I have regrets? OH YES. We all do, and we can never go back and make it right or change it.
You truly reach a point in your life where you finally deal with it. You have to ask yourself if “IT IS WORTH COMING BETWEEN YOU AND LORD?” IT WAS MY CHOICE. Gloria Gaither wrote a song called “I THEN SHALL LIVE” and it truly spoke to me so here are a few of the lyrics:
“I then shall live as one who’s been forgiven.
I’ll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I’ll forgive my brother; (Or Mother)
The law of love I gladly will obey.
I then shall live as one who’s learned compassion.
I’ve been so loved, that I’ll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I’ll dare to see another’s point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I’ll be there to care and follow through.”
WHAT ALL HAD GOD FORGIVEN ME FOR? WHAT ALL HAD GOD BROUGHT ME THROUGH? GOD HAD BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL. I WAS NOT ALONE. I SAID EARLIER THAT YOU EITHER BECOME BITTER OR BETTER—I CHOSE BETTER.
WHAT IS THE ANSWER YOU AND I NEED?
The question was Why was I born and why am I here? There is an old saying that says, “YOU CANNOT SEE THE FORREST FOR THE TREES.” You try to figure it all out, but you cannot. Years ago, I had an old VCR that played the old VHS tapes. You put a tape in it and play the tape. You could re-wind it and watch it over again and again. Your MIND is like that VCR you can re-wind your life in your mind and see it over and over. The difference is this, when you re-wind in your mind, you not only see it again, but you “FEEL IT AGAIN.” Do not dwell on it, because you cannot change anything about it. And you cannot play the “WHAT IF GAME” that accomplishes nothing. You spend years trying to figure everything out, but you cannot.
After mom died, I was still carrying a lot of emotional, mental and spiritual wounds. Yes, I was a Christian and saved. Yes, I was an ordained minister. There are scars and wounds that no doctor can heal. They are an accumulation of a lifetime pain, hurt and heartache. See, I could not heal them or take them away, but I realized God can if you will let Him, and give them to Him, only He can make you whole and complete. Isaiah chapter 53 says, “4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.5 But he was WOUNDED, for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” THERE WAS MY ANSWER. Jesus Christ suffered and paid the price for my wounds, and its HEALING. ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE ALL OF YOUR WOUNDS TO CHRIST FOR HIS HEALING?
NEVER FORGET, JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF WAS REJECTED ON EARTH, AND IS STILL REJECTED, AND NOT WANTED BY SO MANY ON EARTH TODAY. We ALL have Physical, Mental, Emotional, Social and Spiritual Wounds and Scars. And Yes, we have to deal with them in one way or another. They can make you bitter or better. Did you ever think that God allowed these things in our lives to draw us closer to Him?
Satan will be more than glad to “CONTINUALLY FEED YOUR HURT AND PAIN.” WILL YOU REALLY LET THIS CONTROL YOUR LIFE, AND DEFINE WHO YOU ARE? DO YOU KNOW WHY GOD SAID TO FORGIVE? GOD SAID TO FORGIVE FOR YOUR SAKE, NOT FOR THEIR SAKE.
Dear Reader, I have expressed a lot of “RAW FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS HERE. I think many can identify with what I have written. Understand that the battle begins in the MIND. Satan is real and he will always want you to re-live it, and feel it again, that is his game. He works on your mind and never want to let you be at peace. He will place his own thoughts there for that purpose. Just like the thought he wanted to place in my mind. “SHE WILL STILL HATE YOU IN HEAVEN.” Satan is the father of all LIES, and that is not going to happen. DO NOT LET SATAN USE THESE THINGS TO DOMINATE YOUR LIFE.
If you have read this far in this article then I have to say, THANK YOU. I said I did not want anyone’s sympathy and I meant that. I said my life had been a horror story and it was. There are things I cannot write about here or share. If you are a Christian, I have to ask this question. “WHAT ALL HAS GOD FORGIVEN YOU FOR? THE ANSWER IS EVERYTHING. If you are NOT a Christian, then you will have to deal with it all by yourself.
I GAVE MY HURT, PAIN, AND WOUNDS TO JESUS, AND HE TOOK AWAY ALL OF THE HURT, PAINS AND WOUNDS THAT I CARRIED ALL OF MY LIFE. HE TRULY DID–THANK YOU JESUS. I STILL HAVE THE MEMORIES, BUT THE PAIN IS GONE. HOLDING ON JUST BRINGS YOU MORE PAIN AND GRIEF. GOD WILL TRULY TAKE THAT AWAY IF YOU WILL LET HIM. DO NOT LET THESE THINGS KEEP YOU AWAY FROM GOD, AND DO NOT BLAME GOD FOR WHAT OTHERS DID TO YOU.
You spend a large part of your life wondering why? Why I was born and what was the purpose. I was being molded by God. “GOD WANTED ME.” Psalm 27:10 KJV “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.” 1 Peter 5:7 KJV, “ Casting ALL your care upon Him; for HE cares for you.” God says in that verse, “All of your sorrows, hurt, fears and pain, give it to me.” See, God can handle all of it when we cannot. Now to Jeremiah who cursed the day he was born. God told him this. 5 “Before I formed you in the belly, I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet unto the nations.”
God had a plan for Jeremiah’s life. Jeremiah went through all that we go through but so much more. His rewards will be very great. This life is temporary, but eternity is forever. No pain, abuse, heartache or despair can compare to the new life that awaits us in heaven. I am posting a video, a song that says it all and the purpose of it all. PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS AND BE BLESSED. Here is the true reason.
THROUGH IT ALL I’VE LEARNED TO DEPEND ON THE LORD.