Everyone wants equal rights. Do you? Do you want fairness? In a relationship or marriage, things are not always equal. We all have a mindset or pre-conceived ideas. One of those ideas is, “Meet me halfway.” Halfway means half. Half means 50%. This means everything will be half and half in our relationship. If I give my half, and you give your half, a 50- 50 relationship rarely succeeds. Most of the time it fails.
I want to explain something now. I understand the term, “Meet me halfway.” Most of the time it is a cry for help or a plea for assistance. It is asking someone to get up and help. Be responsible, do your part, do what you are supposed to do. It is saying, “I can’t do everything myself. You need to help me.” I am saying, “Do not let meet me halfway, be the foundation of your love and relationship.”
IS A HALFWAY RELATIONSHIP FAIR
In the interest of fairness and equality, should not each partner meet each other halfway? Do your fair share. Why should one person be required to give more than half? If this is a partnership then everything should be fair and equal. No one should ever be expected to give more than their fair share. This is the attitude, philosophy, and mindset of today’s society.
Here is an example. I go to a restaurant and order a cup of coffee. When the coffee comes it is only half a cup. I expected a full cup of coffee, Should I be expected to pay for a full cup? I expect to get something of equal value for my money. That is only fair. No one wants to feel cheated or used.
There are expectations in a relationship or marriage. They are usually followed by setting rules or regulations. This defines the role each will have. The problems arise when one feels that their partner is not doing half of their duties or obligations. In their mind, this is not equal or fair. They are saying,” I want a relationship or marriage based on equality and fairness.”.
MEET ME HALFWAY- IN A BUSINESS
Would you consider your marriage or relationship a business arrangement? If you do, I think you have a problem. Meet me halfway or meet me in the middle does not work well in business. This type of relationship will not survive. Generally speaking, “Within a business, there is a boss or management who requires certain things of their employees.” The benefits and profits of the business are not shared equally.
Who decides who will be the boss or senior partner? Rules standards and job duties are delegated. The boss always has the option to fire a bad employee. Your Acceptance is based on your job performance and rewarded accordingly. It is not wise for the employee to demand the rights they want.
I have worked many jobs in my life. Not once did I ever go to my boss and say, ” I will work here and meet you halfway. I will give you my half (50%) and I expect you to do the same.” I think at that point I would be sitting in the unemployment line. It is a faulty premise to think this will work in a relationship or marriage.
MEET ME HALFWAY- SPLIT IT DOWN THE MIDDLE
Imagine a man and woman taking their house, drawing a line down the middle, then saying, ” This is your half, you stay on your side and I will stay on my side.” But who gets the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom? Is there negotiation regarding access to those areas? Too often they can’t meet halfway, then split or divorce. Then the courts make the decisions about their half, for them.
There are many reasons why couples split. It is not unusual to hear one say, ” I left because My wants and needs were not being met.” They get tired then use this excuse to run and quit. Now they go out and look for someone who can meet their wants and needs. It is sad to see how selfish people are in their relationship. They are always willing to take but never give. Meet me halfway is conditional.
LOVE BASED ON HALFWAY CONDITIONS
Love that is based on conditions and performance is earned. It’s not freely given. There have to be rules and regulations within a relationship or marriage. Meet me halfway should not be the sole condition of acceptance. There must be give and take. Love should not be based on who gives more or who gives less. This kind of relationship or marriage will end in conflict. In the end, no one wins.
Love based on conditions fosters bad attitudes. One to become disappointed with the other. They develop a lack of respect and trust. Pride plays its role and more compromise is demanded (meet me halfway). At this point they feel hurt, used, and manipulated. Have you ever noticed how couples seem to argue about the same things? They do this over and over, but the issues are never resolved?
TRUE LOVE IS NOT BASED ON MEET ME HALFWAY
True love is not based on conditions or fairness. It’s not 50% or meet me halfway. Real love gives 100% to both parties. True love does have respect and communication. Love sees the other as a different person, not just the opposite sex. They know they are different and come from different backgrounds.
In a relationship or marriage based on true love, there will be a compromise. Responsibility is taken seriously in this kind of relationship. The goal is in serving each other. Sharing everything together and walking side by side. Giving becomes more important than taking. There is the attitude of giving because you want to, not because it is demanded or you have to.
A relationship or marriage based on true love asks, “What are the needs of the other person?” The other person is accepted on the basis of who they are, not what they can give. They are seen as responsible and trusted completely. The two work together to make sure no problems develop in their relationship. If problems arise, they are dealt with by communication and resolved in love.
With this kind of relationship or marriage, the flaws and weakness of the other person is known and accepted. Not just accepted with blind love. This relationship builds trust, respect, and responsibility. This relationship looks at problems and corrects them in love. This love relationship looks for ways to love more.
WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO SUCCEED IN A TRUE LOVE RELATIONSHIP
A true love relationship or marriage involves walking together, making decisions together, and sharing together. It involves putting the other wants and needs before your own. It involves commitment with a determination to succeed. It stays for the entire duration of life. They work together as a team and let no one come between or divide them.
If you are married and have not faced trials, tests,s or hard times, then realize they will come. They will test your love and commitment. True love is not fair and cannot be measured by adding up half and half, 50-50. There are times when circumstances call for you to give 100% and receive nothing in return. The same is true for your spouse. Only this kind of commitment will carry you through the good, the bad, and the ugly time.
SUGGESTIONS FOR A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP
1. Don’t keep score of who did the most. I did 13 things today and you only did two things. I changed the diaper last time, so now it is your turn. It is not my job to take out the trash it is yours. 2. Keep an attitude of giving, not taking. It will be reciprocal and returned to you. 3. Make time for each other on a regular basis. Make this an important part of your love and relationship. 4. The most important thing you will ever give your spouse is your own personal attention. Nothing can or will ever replace that one thing.
5. Too many times others will interfere in your relationship. They want to advise you or take sides. Well-meaning relatives, friends, and even co-workers will have an opinion. They will try and manipulate you into taking their advice. This causes trouble and problems in your relationship. Many times they will help cause a spit or divorce and then disappear. But you are the one left with the consequences, not them.
6. Taste your words before you speak them. Are they sweet or bitter? This makes a big difference in a relationship. 7. Do not play the blame game. 8. Never go to bed angry. 9. Do not base your love on meet me halfway.
MY PERSONAL EXAMPLE OF A TRUE LOVE RELATIONSHIP
I have an older brother named Bill, who lives in South Carolina. He was married for many years. He worked hard, he has always been a good provider for his wife and family. Their relationship was based on love, trust, respect, and commitment, to each other and family. They learned early how to talk through any problems that came along.
His wife Gwen became sick, then suffered too many strokes. This caused many other medical problems.She was confined to a wheelchair and was unable to do anything for herself or anyone else. Being barely able to speak made this situation very difficult for everyone. She could not give her half, 50% or even 10%. Maybe you have seen this happen in the lives of someone close to you?
Gwen was cared for at home where she lived and received the best care possible. Yes, there were nursing homes available. Yes, there were health care facilities available. That only split up a marriage, home, and relationship. Any importance, value, and self-esteem would be totally gone in a facility. My brother knew this and would not have it.
Many times Gwen was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time. Where was my brother? At the hospital right by her side-every free minute. He worked full time and gave of himself tirelessly. Doctors, nurses, and staff, all took note of the love and dedication that Bill had for Gwen. Where ever she went, he went.
A few years before Gwen died, Bill called his pastor and set up a ceremony at his house. He renewed his wedding vows with his wife, it is a touching video. What does this say about true love and a dedicated commitment?
Many of my brother’s friends come to him with admiration and respect. They ask his counsel regarding marriage and relationships. They could not help but see a genuine relationship based on true love. They watched what Bill went through. They saw the love he never quit sharing with his wife. Bill knew and understood that marriage is a commitment not just an agreement or a piece of paper.
Gwen passed away 10 years ago and Bill still wears his wedding ring. I call that true love.
True love Is not fair. True love is not equal. True love is not giving half-50%. True love is not, meet me halfway. In today’s society, this kind of love is rare. Today it is so easy to run, split, leave or just give up. Real love will hold a couple together in a tight bond for 50 or 60 years. Regardless of what may come. I love, admire, and respect my brother. I have learned a lot from him. It is the love of 1 mind, 1 heart, and 1 will. Two become one. In a relationship, especially a marriage relationship, “COMMITMENT” IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS THE RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.” Yes, there is love, but the marriage vowels are the commitment of love to the relationship. They never said, Meet me halfway. Feel free to comment or leave a message. Your thoughts and opinion are welcome, so leave them below in the comment section. RAY
This Post Has 4 Comments
I’m having trouble in my relationship I need your help a word of advice. I am 26yrs old and I am very on love with my heart and have for five years of a great friendship that grew into a relationship we have been together for 1yr and a half now and I believe I can spend the rest of my life with her. But the thing is I can’t seem to let go of my past in other words I’ve been neglected by my parents I moved out and been taking care of myself since I was 16yr of age well anyways I neglected issues do to my past relationships with my parents,family and ex relationships . Every relationship I’ve been in whether long distance or short term I was always lied to manipulated cheated on etc. I’m a very loving and respectful sometimes brutally to honesty so far as I can say I felt I gave my all to those who end up hurting me in my past. So I have trust issues n pain I can’t seem to let go cause I continue to doubt my relationship now and it’s not fair for her so if so please reply with email address I need help and advice.
Thank you for your kind words and message. I am sending you my email address to you gmail account and I hope we will be able to talk from there, God Bless You. Ray
So your entry completely hit me in the head right where I needed it. Long story short couldn’t fall asleep tonight due to being overtired and so goes the over thinking mind. I got mad at my fiance tonight because he made a mess with our new, to us, fridge that has an ice machine. I do the majority of the cleaning in the house for a plethora of personal reasons and so instantly something so dumb made me angry and lie and bed and think to myself about the flaws he has, and then think ‘gosh I wish he would meet me halfway’. After this magical conclusion,getting angry then crying, I annoyingly Google “how to get him to meet me halfway” and then was blown away by how perfectly articulated your article was for me to read. I won’t elaborate but it definitely reminded me that it’s not always about taking but giving instead and being committed. How selfish it is to think that he doesn’t do anything and to know that walking in love always wins. Thank you.
Thank you Tasha for your comment and kind words. I think it is only human for others to get on our nerves. But others could say the same about us. I find in this day of “Political Correctness” that no one is ever suppose to be angry, upset or offended by anything. This PC attitude is not real life or reality. (I am not saying you have this attitude). We are all human beings with flaws, thoughts feelings and emotions. What I see after years of martial and individual counseling is this: I find there is a real LACK OF COMMITTMENT in relationships today. It takes a total commitment of both parties to be successful. Sometimes you have to give 95% and other times he will have to give 95% but that should never be a one way street. I hope you will take the time to read another one of my articles called “what is true love.” I think it would really explain LOVE in a way you may have never seen it before. Feel free to come back any time. If I can help in any way, please let me know. RAY