I Love You. These are powerful, serious and dangerous words. When does, I love you, really mean, I love you? Let me give you an example. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia says, “ILOVEYOU, sometimes referred to as Love Letter, was a computer worm that attacked tens of millions of Windows personal computers on and after 5 May 2000.”
This Worm/Virus attached itself to the emails of those who received it and opened it. Then sent itself onward to others in their email list. The Malware originated in the Philippines and quickly spread all over the world. It crashed computers, and in the United States it cost $15 Billion to remove the worm. Within 10 days, over 50 million infections were reported.
The estimates said that 10% of all internet connected computers had been infected. Governments shut down their own mail systems to keep the virus from continuing and infecting their own systems. Those words, “I Love You”, had damaging and serious consequences.
I just talked about an, I love you, computer virus. I think I can safely say, “Those words can just as easily spread like a virus in the mind.” It can multiply and spread. It can overtake the body, mind, will and emotions. It can just as easily travel world wide. These three words have the ability to build up or destroy.
Opinions vary concerning the question, Can love be a biological virus? Or, is it a love bug? I will state, it is a good analogy and it does affect us biologically. I do not think anyone is immune to love. It can happen to anyone, anywhere and anytime.
The Meaning of I Love You
Is there a New World or Universe of pleasure and intimacy through sex? I think it is a whole new world and entering this world can also create problems, especially sexual problems. Men and women have different concepts of love. Men generally view love in the short term. Women view love in the long term. Women feel love before a man feels love.
For those who are new or inexperienced, in a love relationship I love you, brings much excitement. It is all new and fresh. They feel like they have been transported to another place. This can bring much confusion and pain. Too often, lust is confused for love. Infatuation (short lived passion) is mistaken for real love.
There is no doubt men and women are different in many ways. I believe a real problem with these differences is with the definition of love. I love you, may not mean the same thing to either one. How each one perceives it will create meaning. Here is a list of reasons one might say,”I love you”. They can have different meanings for each.
11. I want to be with you
13. I am lonely without you
14. You are special
15. You make me happy
16. I want you
17. I need you
Another problem with love in a relationship is one sided love. One person wants to get something but does not want to give. It is a selfish attitude of, “What do I get out of it?” Many women have said, “He says I love you because he only wants sex. In other words, I want you to have sex with me so I can feel better about myself (not you).
I Love You But I Am Not In Love With You
I love you, but I am not in love with you. This one is hard to understand whether you are the sender or the receiver of this message. This message is given all the time. It is saying, I love you like a friend, but I am not in love with you. I do not want to plan a future and life with you, so lets just be friends.
Here are some questions you have to ask. Is this a friendship that one partner wants to move forward? Is this already an established relationship? How long has the relationship been going on? Have both partners involved been living together? Has sex, children or family been involved in the relationship.
The relationship could be new, a dating relationship or an established relationship. It may be a serious or romantic relationship with lots of time already invested. Generally, there is hurt, pain, confusion and heartbreak. One partner feels the rejection of their love and not being accepted, they way they wanted.
There are many reasons one may back off or cool down a relationship. It may have been a loving, caring relationship with closeness and passion. It may have been a committed relationship but it no longer is one. There is a big let down when the feelings of love are lost.
2. I am not comfortable in this relationship. We are not compatible.
3. The love and passion I once felt is gone, it died.
4. We have too many problems we can’t work out.
5. I am not happy and do not want to continue this relationship.
6. I want to get out of this relationship before it gets worse.
7. I have met someone else.
8. I love you, but I am in love with someone else.
9. We are not a good match.
10. Let’s just be friends.
These are just a few reasons people give for saying the relationship is broken or no longer working. The desire to get out of the love relationship or to decrease it may be strong. Many times one partner will leave the relationship. They do not consider trying to fix it or work out issues. They feel their love has faded and it is time to quit or leave.
I Don’t Love You Anymore
I don’t love you anymore. These words are painful to hear from anyone in a relationship. These words are more devastating when they come from a spouse in a marriage relationship. The life, time and energy built in this relationship can quickly crumble. The effects are felt by all including children and family.
Where there is a cheating spouse and infidelity, the marriage bond, commitment and love are broken. Trust has been lost and one has been betrayed. Lust, passion and infatuation are three causes of a cheating spouse. There are many more reasons. One of the first signs a marriage is in trouble is lack of communication. Behavior changes and love is not shared.
Aboutrelationships.com states, “People who are stuck can see no way out, they view their problems as permanent and many times think the only way to get unstuck is to turn to someone else. A new relationship is a great way to distract themselves from the problems in a marriage. You are suddenly unstuck and enjoying the lust and passion that comes with a new found relationship. All of a sudden, they are getting everything they need from another man or woman.”
“After years of not getting their needs met in the marriage this can be a huge relief.”
It is possible the marriage can be saved if both are willing to be honest with themselves and each other. Open and honest communication of their problems can keep someone from throwing their marriage away or accepting a substitute. Finding out why they feel and say, “I don’t love you anymore or I love you but I am not in love with you.” This is needed, it will be beneficial and create understanding. You owe that much to each other.
In all types of relationships today, there are some problems that no words of love can fix. This is when intimacy turns to violence. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse and emotional abuse. These are behavioral issues that enter a relationship. This is about control, domination and manipulation of another person. These are the leading cause of Domestic violence.
Love should not hurt and no one should stay in this type of abusive relationship. For their own safety, I will say, “GET OUT OF IT.”
Relationships are not easy to develop. A successful relationship will take work. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some relationships are training ground. It may not work and it may not fit. Here are a few questions to think about.
1. Is your relationship defined more by companionship than passion?
2. Did the relationship grow?
3. Was it an emotional, romantic or committed relationship?
4. Is it a selfish relationship (with a user) where one person uses the 3 words, just to get what they want? This type person takes but never gives.
5. Has it been an abusive relationship?
6. Did anyone fall out of love or did they ever have love?
7 Were you on the same level in the relationship?
8, What kind of relationship did you have? Friend, Dater, Lover, Spouse? Did it move forward?
9. Did the human, “I Love You” Virus, infect and take over your relationship?
10. Were you loved for who you are in the relationship?
There are 3 words that sound beautiful and loving. They are often referred to as, “The 3 Magical Words.” These 3 words have meaning. Problems arise because the meaning may be different to each individual, or what they want. I think the real meaning will be determined from the actions and intentions, not just the words.
These 3 words are used to express feelings, emotions and desires. I can see where many are saying, “I want to share all of me with you. I want you to share all of you with me.” These 3 words carry emotional weight. They can say, “You are PERSONALLY important to me and I Love You.”
Your thoughts, opinions and comments are welcome. If I can help you then please let me know.