What is One Way Love? We all know what love is but do we know what one way means? Let see if I can give an official definition. “Merriam-Webster Dictionary,” says, “One Way is, 1: That moves in or allows movement in only one direction a one–way street, 2: A one-sided, unilateral a one–way conversation, 3: that functions in only one of two or more ways.”
“The Urban Dictionary” says that one way love or one sided love is, “The horrible and horrifying feeling of falling in love alone. Loving that boy/girl without the satisfaction of receiving their love in return. This experience happens a lot in high school and is often something you wish never happened.”
The dictionaries, includes one way love also as one sided love. One more definition from “Wikipedia The Free Encyclopedia” says, “Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer’s deep and strong romantic affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as “not reciprocated or returned in kind.”
If I am referring to one way love, one sided love or unrequited love, I am referring to the same kind of love. The common elements I see are, It is not mutual. It is not shared. It is love that is not returned. It is not reciprocated. I believe this type of love is rejected in most forms.
The lover in one way love does feel the rejection of their love. This too often causes negative emotions for them. Pain, depression, anxiety, guilt and low self esteem are common with the rejection of their love. Many lovers feel embarrassed because their love was not accepted. It is the desire and need for intimacy.
Some in society thinks, “one way or one sided love is stupid.” They wonder why a person would want to love someone that does not love them back. Why would a person commit their feelings and emotions to someone that did not share them? Why would a person set themselves up for heartbreak? The attraction was not mutual or equal.
I think part of the answer to those questions involves friendship with hopes of a relationship. It does not mean the person of your affection does not care about you. It does not mean they do not want to continue being friends. It is possible they may love you, but not enough to make you happy or want a permanent relationship.
Can One Sided Love Work
It is possible that one sided love can work. It will depend if the lover thinks the other person is worth it. This is not a normal or fair relationship. I personally do not see how a lover could be happy or grow in this type of relationship. I think there has to be mutual love, respect and commitment to a relationship to survive.
I have seen one way relationships. One in particular where a man believed his woman would see all his good qualities. He thought, she would learn to love him and a relationship would grow. He did all the right things and worked hard to make it work, but the love never developed that he hoped for.
The Satisfied One Way Relationship
There are those who are happy and satisfied with a one way relationship. In this relationship, the lover gets their happiness and joy from loving and giving. Their commitment to the relationship is not long term. It is less expensive to the lover. Expectations cannot be demanded or required. Commitment and loyalty is not a priority. They have the freedom to do what they want. They can leave and end the relationship at any time.
One Way Love And Marriage
I want to talk about one way love in the marriage relationship. I think with the married couple, one way love can be more devastating. When a separation or divorce occurs, the damage and consequences are long term. Especially when children are involved. The betrayal and rejection are deeper when a family see’s their future disappear.
The story I am going to tell happens to women more than men, it should never happen to either. I am familiar with this one and saw it. It is a true and factual story. I have known Randy and Diane for 40 years. We attended church together and have always been very close.
Randy and Diane dated while in high school. After graduation they were married. Just like anyone else they planned their life and future together. They went through the normal process of starting a life and family together. They were blessed with two children. Through the years of life many things change, some good some bad.
As their kids got older Diane wanted to work. She did not want to stay home and be a housewife. Randy supported her and helped her get additional education and a job. This appeared to make Diane happy and made her feel more independent. I believe it gave her a better sense of self worth and value.
Over the years things changed again. Diane became more demanding and wanted everything her way. Randy was use to her fussing and constantly complaining. Wanting to make his wife happy, Randy usually relented and let her have her way. Randy wanted to make her happy and be a good husband.
Diane had an affair with their next door neighbor and got pregnant. She miscarried the neighbor’s baby. Because of Randy’s love for Diane, he forgave her and never mentioned it again. He was determined to make the marriage work.
No matter what Randy did, he was always wrong. Randy could not do anything right. Diane was never satisfied with anything she had. She wanted more. A bigger house, newer car, more money, more vacations. They both had good jobs, made good money. Randy’s concern was paying the bills while Diane’s concern was spending money.
Their personal relationship changed. Diane was no longer loving person. Material things replaced her husband and affected their relationship. Randy was not allowed to touch her in any way. Not a hug, not a kiss, nothing. This went on for years. Randy had low self esteem. He wanted to figure out why he was so repulsive to his wife.
Randy looked at himself and wanted to improve. He wanted to make himself more desirable. He lost weight, went to the gym, got in shape. Developed muscles. Randy asked Diane many times what was wrong. All she would say is,”It’s not you, it’s me.” Diane told Randy, “Why don’t you go out and find someone to love you the way you want to be loved?” Randy would reply, “I don’t want anyone else, I just want the woman I married.”
After years of not being able to touch his wife Randy lay in bed one night. He turned to Diane and said, “I want to ask you a favor. Will you turn over here and let me hold you? I will not try anything, I will not try to touch you. Just let me hold you and love you. You do not have to love me back.” Diane said,”NO.” Randy never asked again.
The Consequences Of One Way Love
A year later, Diane came home from work and told Randy she wanted to talk to him. Diane told Randy her best friend Linda had left her husband and got an apartment. Diane said,”I am leaving you and moving in with Linda, we will share an apartment together. Randy asked, “Why? What have I done?
Diane said, “I don’t love you. I have never loved you, I just married you to get away from home and an alcoholic father.” Diane said, “I have prayed about this and God told me to leave you.” Randy had to laugh at that. Randy said, “Diane, as long as you have gone to church, you’ve not realized, God does not break up homes and families.”
A few weeks later Randy came home from work. The house was almost completely empty. Diane had the movers come and move her while Randy was at work. Diane had taken everything except the stove, refrigerator and his bed. She left Randy two forks, two knives, two spoons and two plates. She took all the toilet paper, light bulbs and even took the toilet seat. Yes, it was a soft seat. Of course, she took the decorator face plates off the light switches.
While Randy was at work, she snuck back in the house and took all the curtains and dug up all the flowers. That is when Randy changed the locks on doors. Randy said, “If she can live with it, I can live without.” To save face and look good with friends and CHURCH family, she lied. She told them she left Randy, because he had Physically abused her. The funny part was that she had not even attended church there for over a year. It is funny how women in church are willing to swallow whatever another woman says.
What was the additional damage to Randy? He was an ordained minister. This greatly damaged any ministry, He had. Randy took his marriage vows seriously and proved it, Diane did not.
Diane walked off and left Randy. She got a free ride. Randy was left with a house he never wanted. The house had been bought for her. She had insisted on buying that house. Randy was left with all the bills and responsibilities. What was the worst part for Randy? She tried to ruin his reputation. 33 years of marriage flushed down the toilet!
I am sure many others have a similar story. Their story is probably worse than this one. It is always damaging and destructive to the one left behind. What was the real cause of this separation and divorce? The answer is, ONE SIDED LOVE. ONE WAY LOVE. A one way relationship is doomed to fail. It may endure for a while. It will not last.
Love is a necessity of life, we are born to love. We all desire and crave it. Love and life cannot be separated. Love gives our life meaning. Humans need love as much as they need oxygen. The sad fact is this. You cannot make someone love you. You cannot make someone want you. You cannot make someone accept you. You cannot make someone respect you. You cannot change people. And you cannot hold on to what you do not have.
Friendship is a type of relationship where people care about each other. Friendship can also be intimate. Friendship can also move to one way love. What is the value of this?
Even with one way love or one sided love, performance will not change the result. Do everything you can do, work as hard as you can, give all that can. It will never please the other person and it will never be enough. If love is not mutual and shared it will not last. This is true for those who are single or married. The hurt, pain and rejection will be there. The degree of the damage and consequences will vary, depending on the situation.
Your thoughts, opinions and comments are welcome. Leave them here.
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Ray, thank you for this wonderful website . I know many people can relate to your subjects and will find them helpful and informative. I have been following you and I am looking forward to your next post. All I can say is that your articles seems a story of my life,from your About Me, Idea Love vs Reality, Do you Want Me, Abused, Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow, One Way Love, Hungry for Love…..I have been on an abusive relationship , I cannot be myself, I was always wrong no matter what I did . I was verbally and physically abused…My husband left me for another woman. But no, it was not my first rejection. In high school , my first boyfriend embarrassed and humiliated me by telling my friends and classmates he only courted me even if I’m not beautiful but because he knew I had a crush on him and that I am bright and can help him with his assignments and projects…. I was just been used…So years after being alone, I started looking for love??? Even hoping to find love…Looking for that someone who will accept me and love me for what I am…Someone I can spend my life with.. So , now I am asking , is there really love in this world? or everything just attraction and infatuation? Once again, thank you for this website and keep it going…..